The Marvelous Adventures of a Marysue: IC
by Witchy Pixie
Summary: The beginning of a saga of sue parodies; the Inheritance characters find an MxOC suefic and are soon faced with horrors they never thought possible. Co-written with Evanescence2189
1. Prologue: Murtagh's Doom

**A/N****: This is co-written with my lovely friend Evanescence2189. Tis a parody or the horrible beasties we know as mary-sues. My apologies to anyone with the actual pen name "Inherigirl". **

**This is the same Format as Crazyroninchick's, **_**Never Leave Fanfiction Lying Around, **_**and is used with her permission.**

**Basic premise is; Murtagh changed his true name mid-battle, and did a few heroic things in an unimportant deus ex machina. However, Nasuada needs to come up with a penalty for him. Then, Elva finds The Book.**

_The Marvelous Adventures of a Mary-Sue: Inheritance Cycle~_

Prologue: Murtagh's Doom

"You have put me in a very difficult place," Nasuada said. Murtagh glared back at the rebel leader.

"I am so very sorry I didn't have Thorn incinerate your camp and allow Galbatorix to conquer you. Allow me to go jump off a cliff."

"You are being impossible. I don't wish to kill you, but after what you've done—"

"Lady Nasuada!" Elva dashed into the tent, fear evident in her freaky-purple eyes.

"What is it, Elva?" Nasuada was only mildly surprised. The witch-child wasn't often scared, or if she was, she refused to show it.

"Look." Elva held out a book. The leather that bound the book was bright green, and had the image of a beautiful girl on the front. The title was hard to decipher due to the fancy script, but Nasuada could just barely make it out: "_The Emerald Rider_, By Inherigirl101."

"I opened it!" Elva said. "And it's…it's horrible!"

"It's just a book," replied Nasuada.

"Read it." Elva challenged, again offering the book. Nasuada flipped the book open and began reading.

"_Princess Emerald Eva Marianna Susana ran into the forest, her long, raven-colored hair fanned out behind her. Her brilliant green eyes searched the underbrush for animals. She was petite and slim, but with an hourglass figure. She resembled an elf so much some people thought perhaps she had elven relation, but she knew none of her family on her mother's side._

_Emerald wore green leg__gings and a tunic of a darker shade of green. They fit her form perfectly, gracing her curves and showing off her athletic figure. The young woman was beautiful beyond comparison, but found the stares people gave her disconcerting. They were just jealous of her flawless body that they could only wish to have. _

_She sighed in contentment. The lush green woods always calmed her, and it was wonderful to visit her dragon, Sarra. No one knew about Sarra but her. Emerald had a package from her mother as long as she could remember. On it had been a note to not open it until she was 12. When she did, it was a green dragon egg that had hatched for her. She had concealed it from her father all these years, until now when she was 16._

_Today, her father was in one of his rages, and she preferred to be far away. This was because her father was none other than King Galbatorix. She reached the woods and leaned back against a tree. Suddenly, a rustle made her jump. She drew her sword immediately, almost grazing the face of the intruder. Who, as it seemed, was Murtagh, Galbatorix's dragon rider._

Nasuada looked up. "Did this ever happen?"

"No. And Galbatorix doesn't have a daughter! That's one of the more implausible things I've ever heard in my life!" exclaimed Murtagh.

"It gets worse," said Elva gravely.

"How much have you read?" asked Nasuada with a delicate raise of an eyebrow.

"Quite a bit, actually. It sucks you in, and then you can't stop! It must be dark magic."

"Then let's dispose of it," Murtagh suggested darkly. He wasn't exactly certain why he was so afraid of the book, but it struck terror deep within his heart. Perhaps it was innate survival instinct.

Nasuada appeared to be skimming the book. She looked up again.

"Oh no. No, I think this book is the perfect way out of our difficulties." She then turned to Elva.

"Please get Eragon, Saphira, Arya, and Angela. We need witnesses."

**This is really more a prologue than the first chapter, which I why it is so short. It will get longer. Hope you enjoyed, feedback please!**

**Witchy Pixie and Evanescence2189**


	2. Chapter 1: The Torment Begins

_~The Marvelous Adventures of a Mary-Sue: Inheritance Cycle~_

Chapter One: The Torment Begins

In about fifteen minutes everyone had arrived at Nasuada's command pavilion and was seated in a circle. She had the book open on her lap and began speaking.

"I suppose you're wondering why I summoned you here." Everyone nodded.

"I have found a satisfactory penalty for Murtagh. Considering most of what happened wasn't entirely his fault, execution seemed…extreme. But we couldn't act as if nothing happened. So, you all will be witnesses to the reading of this story, which will serve as punishment for him. Be warned, this book is fairly frightening." Everyone nodded, though Eragon looked skeptical. He'd just been through a war and some book wasn't going to scare him!

Angela appeared curious. She wasn't afraid, maybe just a little wary. And Arya was inscrutable as only an elf can be.

"I still don't understand why old fashioned torture wasn't good enough for you." Murtagh grumbled. "Dungeons, starvation, and so on. This is inhuman."

"You're too used to that," pointed out Angela as she knitted furiously. No one was sure what she was making, but it appeared to have every color imaginable. Solembum watched the needles with interest from Elva's lap.

"I wish to do none of those. And besides, this book needs investigating. What better way to kill two birds with one stone?" replied Nasuada. She opened the book and flipped past the title page.

Murtagh glared. He was becoming very good at it.

Eragon, on the other hand, had quite the smug smile on his face. Finally, his half-brother was getting what he deserved. Little did he know what was in store.

"All right, everyone ready?" Nasuada, not waiting for an answer, began reading.

"_Princess Emerald Eva Marianna Susana ran into the forest, her long, raven-colored hair fanned out behind her. Her brilliant green eyes searched the underbrush for animals. _

_She was petite and slim, but with an hourglass figure. She resembled an elf so much__ that some people thought perhaps she had elven relation. But she knew none of her family on her mother's side, so she would never know for sure._

_Emerald wore green leggings and a tunic of a darker shade of green. They fit her form perfectly, gracing her curves and showing off her athletic figure. The young woman was beautiful beyond comparison, but found the stares people gave her disconcerting. They were just jealous of her flawless body that they could only wish to have. _

_She sighed in contentment. The lush green woods always calmed her, and it was wonderful to visit her dragon, Sarra. No one knew about Sarra but her. Emerald had a package from her mother as long as she could remember. On it had been a note to not open it until she was 12. When she did, it was a green dragon egg that had hatched for her. She had concealed it from her father all these years, until now when she was 16._

_Today, her father was in one of his rages, and she preferred to be far away. This was because her father was none other than King Galbatorix. She reached the woods and leaned back against a tree. Suddenly, a rustle made her jump. She drew her sword immediately, almost grazing the face of the intruder. Who, as it seemed, was Murtagh, Galbatorix's dragon rider._

"_You shouldn't sneak up on people like that." she replied. "What are you doing here?"_

"_What are you doing here is a better question. The Princess Emerald Eva Mari-anna Sussana shouldn't be alone in the forest."_

"Just where is this forest she's talking about?" asked Arya. "Uru'Baen is a city. There are no forests!"

"And who HAS a name that long?" Eragon added incredulously.

"Coming from Eragon Shadeslayer, Eragon-finiarel, Firesword, Argetlam, Eragon Bromsson, that's a bit rich." muttered Orik.

_Emerald glared. "I can take care of myself! Now will you please stop following me? It's beginning to get__ annoying."_

"_As you wish." Murtagh stalked off. Emerald knew he was annoyed that he hadn't been able to surprise her, and that she had told him off. She was very good at swordplay, better than he was by a bit, and it was impossible to sneak up on her, due to her sharp reflexes._

"_He hates that you have better woodland skills than he does." said Sarra._

"Woodland skills?" asked Arya.

Eragon snorted.

"_Emerald spent her day in the woods enjoying her freedom. At dusk, she snuck past the guards—"_

"She did not '_sneak past the guards!_'" Murtagh screeched. "It took me and Tornac months to come up with a decent escape plan! That castle is almost impenetrable, and she couldn't just sneak in and out without a second thought! Whoever wrote this has clearly never even been near Uru'Baen."

"If I may continue?" asked Nasuda icily.

_Emerald was having a good day__ until she received a summons from her father. She walked down the corridor toward the throne room and brushed past the guards and opened the door. She sauntered down the aisle toward her father's throne._

"He hates it when you do that. You always have to wait for him to say 'Enter.'" Murtagh said, appearing to be lost in nostalgia.

Everyone stared.

"What? He did!"

"_Emerald. You're late."_

_Before Emerald had time to respond the king continued. _

"_And I have told you that you are not to wear__ such clothing. You are a female, and should dress as such. Especially in light of upcoming events."_

"_Upcoming events?" asked Emerald._

"_Ah yes! I hadn't told you. You are to be married!"_

"_No! I refuse!" cried Emerald, tossing her hair back with one hand. She knew how sexy she looked when she did that, and so did everyone else. The king glared hatefully. _

"_You will not defy me."_

"_I will and I do!"_

"Seriously, she gets away with a lot. If _I_ ever said that there would have been hell to pay. Considering he threw a vase at me once just because I made the point that the elves had been pretty good at hiding till now, and he wasn't going to get anywhere by sending me and Thorn on a wild-goose-chase to find them and burn down Ellesmera…"

"BURN DOWN ELLESMERA?" shrieked Arya.

"Well yes, that was the general idea." said Murtagh, looking surprised at her vehemence.

"Anyway, he had really good aim for someone so old, and it was a really heavy vase…."

"That explains a lot," Eragon said dryly.

"Shut up!"

_In a second the spell for silencing hit her. Emerald struggled__, but was unable to break its hold._

"_You haven't even heard who you're marrying yet," grinned the king._

"Please no, please no, please no." I think you can imagine who was chanting this under his breath with his fingers crossed and his eyes tightly shut.

"_Murtagh! Come here please!"_

"Nooooooooooooo!" Eragon laughed.

"Oh stop whining. How terrible could it be?"

"_No!" screamed Emerald. "I refuse! No!"_

_Her father raised his eyebrows. "And you are going to disobey—how? I'm adding extra guards outside your room so you can't leave. " Emerald knew there was no way out. Her father smirked in triumph at her defeated expression._

"_You may both go. I'm sure you want to get acquainted." He swept from the room, leaving the pair glaring at each other._

"_This cannot be happening! I hate you!" Emerald screeched. She was generally very good at hiding her emotions but when it came to a certain rider she could never control herself._

There was a chorus of "Ooooh!"s around the room.

"_Oh but it is happening. And I cannot say I'm happy about it either."_

"_Why is he doing this to us?"_

_Murtagh smirked. "Ah, you see, he was disappointed you're a girl. He wants heirs."_

Silence filled the room for a moment. Then Eragon didn't even bother trying to contain his laughter. Murtagh looked around for something to throw at him. He found nothing, so he attempted to steal one of Angela's knitting needles to stab Eragon with. Angela proceeded to knit his hands into her mystery object. Nasuada then cleared her throat and continued.

"_No! I refuse to—no!" Emerald was wild__-eyed._

"_There's nothing you can do." Murtagh turned on his heel and left the room._

"End chapter one," said Nasuada as she closed the book.

"You know, I've become a very penitent sinner. Please let me leave, so I can become a monk." Murtagh attempted to escape, but was still entangled in Angela's knitting.

"Who wants to read next?" asked Nasuada.

"I will!" Eragon held out his hands for the book. He smirked at his half-brother, and began to read.


	3. Chapter 2: Who Doesn't Need Saving?

_~The Marvelous Adventures of a Mary-Sue__: IC~_

Chapter two: Who Doesn't Need Saving?

_Emerald ran up to her chambers. She fell on her bed sobbing-_Arya, stop that snickering_-and cried until she had no tears left. Her maid opened the door. _

"_Lady Emerald?"_

"_I've told you to call me Emerald, Mary." said Emerald. She hated when servants addressed her with her full title. She was just like them, and preferred not to be superior. It was just by chance she was a princess and they were not._

"How self-righteous." commented Angela happily, and continued knitting.

_What's wrong?" asked Mary, bending down over Emerald. Emerald looked up. Mary was her only__ friend, and the closest thing she had to a mother. Her own mother was dead. Her father refused to talk about her. Emerald was sure she was a grand lady. Where else would she have gotten her geeeorgeous physique and sparkling intellect?_

"_I'm getting married," s__he announced. Her maid looked inquisitive._

"_To whom?"_

"_Murtagh." Emerald buried her head in her hands._

Eragon had been imitating the high, tear-filled voice the entire time. Arya was looking at him with an odd expression on her face.

"What?" asked Eragon.

"You just seem faaaar to natural at that…" Arya said.

Murtagh smirked. "I'd actually thought his voice had deepened some."

"Shut up. Let's get back to your fiancé."

Eragon began reading again, this time in a normal voice.

"_Well, it's not too bad of a match__."_

_Emerald began to sob even harder._

"Tell me, are you feeling at all insulted while reading this?" asked Angela, turning to look inquisitively at Murtagh.

"My dignity's been missing for a while now. So no, it's really more intense humiliation and terrifying mental pictures."

Angela nodded wisely. "Carry on!"

"_Oh__, you don't understand! I don't want to marry someone I don't love, and I don't want to be tied down to a husband who will expect me to submit to him like a dog. It's the end of my freedom!" Emerald sobbed._

"_Now, now. I know it's hard, but let's try to make the best of it. You'll have a lovely wedding. You'll be so beautiful!" said Mary, eyes half-closed, imagining a wedding dress._

"Does she seem a little overly beautiful to you?" asked Eragon.

He was greeted with blank stares.

"No—really?" asked Murtagh. "You are really an idiot."

_The next few days were spent picking out Emerald's wedding clothing. She looked beautiful in her dress__, exquisite actually. But when has she ever not been? However, because it was for an event she was dreading, she could not be happy in the least._

_She met with her father the day before the wedding._

"_Now, you will behave yourself tomorrow, you understand?" he said in a dangerous voice._

_Emerald nodded meekly. But in her head, she was thinking of ways to get out of her forced marriage._

_She walked down the corridor slowly, lost in thought. Only because of her disturbed mind did she not notice the man sneaking up behind her._

"I thought she was invincible. And could never be surprised." said Arya in a deadpan.

"Well the thought of marrying me…the shock's just got to her, you know?" Murtagh replied dryly.

_She screamed as he grabbed her from behind._

"_You're a pretty girl, aren't you?" he asked, attempting to pull her dress down._

"I really don't think Elva should be hearing this." commented Angela.

"Oh please. I'm not the most naïve one in this tent." Elva rolled her eyes and nodded at Eragon who looked offended. "Besides, mental scarring is fun to watch."

"Fine—you read." Eragon threw the book at her.

_Emerald was about to punch him in the face when she heard, "Leave her alone!" It was Murtagh._

"_Leave. Now. And be glad I don't report you to the king." Whoever it was left hastily, no one wished to anger Morzan's son._

"I am really not that terrifying."

"Shut up and let me read. This is fun."

"_Are you alr__ight, Emerald?"_

"_Of course I'm al__right! I don't need saving, I was fine on my own! Stop acting like I'm a delicate princess!" Emerald glared._

"_I was just trying to help you. I—I don't want any harm to come to you!" Murtagh turned and stalked away._

There was a chorus of "Awww!" which was promptly silenced when everyone noticed Murtagh's homicidal glare.

_Suddenly, he turned again, walked up to Emerald, and kissed her__ passionately, then left her standing with a bemused expression on her face._

Everyone burst out laughing and Murtagh buried his head in his hands.

"I thought they hated each other?" Eragon asked, confused (AKA normal) expression on his face.

_Emerald stood, roo__ted to the spot. "That was…nice," she though in surprise._

"OK, _now_ I'm starting to feel a little insulted."

_Emerald made her way back to her room. Emotions swirled around her head, and she collapsed on her bed, her raven hai__r flowing around her slim frame._

"_What am I going to do?"_

"END CHAPTER TWO!" shouted Elva. "And chapter three-ooh!"

"What?" asked Eragon curiously.

Elva leaned over and whispered in his ear. Eragon choked attempting to hold back his laughter. "Murtagh, would you like to read?"

"No. Way. In. Hell."

"OK, I will. Look, this next chapter is from your point of view!"

Murtagh stiffened.


	4. Chapter 3: Evil FiveYearOld Girls

_~The Marvelous Adventures of a Mary-Sue: IC~_

Chapter 3: Evil in the form of five-year-old-girls

_[In, lyk, Murtaug's POV]_

_I walked down the corridor, still berating myself for what I'd done. Now Emerald would think I was a total idiot!_

Eragon had started using the teary voice again. Murtagh reached over, grabbed the book, and it was only when he was smoothing out the pages did he realize that this had been Eragon's plan all along.

"Anyone else want to read?"

Heads shook.

"I hate all of you."

_I couldn't believe I'd kissed her! But she'd looked so beautiful, and besides, I'd been so relived I'd been__ able to get there in time and save her. Although, truly, she probably could have saved herself. She wasn't one to mess with. But still—the thought of anyone hurting her was too much to bear. I wanted to kill anyone who laid a hand on her, lest they defile her radiant beauty. How had all this happened? We'd always played together as children, but we'd been arch enemies—helping each other if needed, but constantly trying to one up each other…_

_And now—I think I love her._

"I'm so happy for you!" said Arya. "To find true love so quickly."

"Listen elf, shut up, or you're reading next."

_What am I going to do?_

"Easy," said Murtagh, as if advising his fanfiction counter-part. "Throw her off one of the towers and move on with your life, before she humiliates you even worse." And he threw the book at Arya's head.

Arya, being an elf with super-awesome reflexes, ducked and caught it.

"I thought they'd hated each for like, ever." said Eragon. "This is confusing."

Everyone stared back blankly. "_Yeah that's kind of the point. Everyone's totally out of character,_" said Thorn.

"Thorn! You're talking! Well, mentally talking." said Nasuada with surprise.

"Yeah, he's not _always_ anti-social, are you?" Murtagh responded dryly.

"Wonder where he learned that?" retorted Arya.

"_Just read!_" said Saphira, projecting her thoughts into the group and startling them all.

Arya opened the book primly and read,

"_Emerald! Where are you hiding?"_

_Five-year-old Emerald sunk lower into the bush she was concealed in._

_There you are!' Her only friend in the castle, Murtagh pulled away the branches._

"_My turn! My turn to hide!"_

"Yes! Hide, young version of me! Run and hide!"

_Emerald laughed. Then, someone appeared. "Murtagh! In the house! Now!"_

"YES! THANK YOU MYSTERIOUS SAVIOR PERSON!"

_It was Morzan._

"Erm…..wasn't expecting that." said Eragon.

Murtagh merely stopped doing the happy dance that someone was rescuing him from evil in the form of five-year-old girls and wondered what to make of this new development.

_Emerald gasped and shrank back in fear. She hid behind the bush, cowering. Morzan looked drunk, and__ she knew the symptoms well from her own father. Someone was going to get hurt._

"_I said now!" Murtagh's father pulled za'roc from its sheath and threw it, catching Murtagh on the back._

_Emerald ran._

"That is seriously not how…oh never mind."

_Emerald shook herself awake. "That old nightmare…." She thought. She lit a candle and began pacing__ her room. The dream had plagued her, leik, ever since the night after she had run away. She should have heeeeelped! She had always felt guilty._

"Oh yeah! Five year old girl against a Forsworn!" Eragon rolled his eyes.

_And now…life was a mess. She was marrying someone she wasn't sure of her feelings__ for._

"Let's see, first chapter, they the each other. Second chapter, he loves her. Third chapter, they were childhood friends. I can understand your confusion." said Arya sarcastically.

_And her __father had hinted at having something exciting to tell her soon. That could never be good._

"For once in her life she has her facts straight." Murtagh said. "I remember- 'Oh, Murtagh! I have some _great_ news! You'll be capturing your brother tomorrow and bring him back here to be tortured and enslaved!' or 'See these? These are dragon eldunarya! They are the enslaved minds of dragons I killed! You can use them to try to capture your brother again!' If he was happy, it was never good. "

Practically everyone in the tent was in hysterics by this time. It was the imitation of the voice, plus the imitating of Galbatorix's insane smile that really sold the act.

_[__In, lyk, Normal POV]_

_Yes, Emerald's life was not going too well. It was going even worse when Mary appeared in her doorway__ armed with beauty products. Emerald had not slept a wink and now she had to get ready for her wedding._

"Something could still happen. You could still get out of it." said Nasuada optimistically.

"Hahahahaha…no." said Eragon.

"Have I mentioned I hate you?"

_Emerald allowed Mary and several other ladies in waiting to dress her in a beautiful wedding gown.__ It was white with a long train and short, lace sleeves. _

_The bodice hugged her curves in all the right places, which would later elicit stares from all the men in the audience. The neckline swooped just slightly, and then the skirt tapered down. Her veil was almost down to her waist and hung from a glittering tiara with many sparkling diamonds. Her shoes were delicate silver pumps with thin, four-inch heels. Behind her veil, she held back the oncoming tears so as not to smudge her make-up."_

Arya choked back a laugh. "Got her priorities straight, doesn't she?"

_She walked down to the chapel__, and when it came time to walk down the aisle, her steps were measured and graceful. Many gasped at her radiant beauty, the train of her long elegantly white dress trailing behind her as she made her way to Murtagh. She kept her eyes resolutely forward toward the alter. She managed to keep her voice from shaking as she said "I do". And she endured the kiss that actually felt quite mind-blowing. Though she would never admit this to anyone. _

"What's this 'I do'? You have to swear—" began Eragon but Arya cut him off.

_Emerald sat beside Murtagh at the feast that was supposedly in their honor. She had barely said one word to him the entire day except her vows. She thought if she heard "Congratulations" one more times she would die.__ "Not," she thought. "That that would be so bad."_

"Oh please." scoffed Arya. "Just a tad dramatic, aren't we?"

"Am I really that repugnant?"

_Besides, she disliked all the attention. Years of her father's abuse had made her insecure, and all the people, plus the formality, plus the fact that they were all focused on her made her feel intensely uncomfortable. But she gritted her teeth and bore it. It wasn't as bad as some of the punishments she had endured in her life. __"And tonight will be worse," she thought, with a shiver._

"Kill me now." said Murtagh, attempting to hide behind his hair.

"It's more fun to watch you suffer," said Elva wolfishly.

"Elva. Didn't I tell you that people you torment will come back to make your life unpleasant?" said Angela.

"Sorry."

"Remember what I always say: if you don't like them, slip poison in their tea. But don't leave them alive and torment them. They will come back and kill you."

Silence.

"Carry on!" said Angela brightly.

"Actually it's the end of the chapter." said Arya. "And it's getting late."

"I say we break until tomorrow." said Angela.

Nasuada nodded. "No running away. Everyone swear."

Everyone, through gritted teeth, swore to stick around until the book was finished.

"I think I'll rope Roran and Katrina into coming tomorrow…" said Eragon to Saphira as they made their way back to their tents.


	5. Chapter 4: The Wedding

_~The Marvelous Adventures of a Mary-Sue:IC~_

Chapter Three: The Wedding

The next day everyone began to assemble in the tent. This time, Roran and Katrina were sitting next to Eragon. Orik had also joined them. He glared at Murtagh, who was carefully avoiding the dwarf's eye. He had already had a bad enough night, plagued with dreams of perfect girls chasing him and was exhausted. Blearily, the dragon rider looked around, assessing the situation. Thorn was his only ally, plus there were the oaths.

"I'm screwed…." he thought. Eragon scanned the tent.

"Where is the book?" he thought worriedly.

"Nasuada probably has it. I wonder where she is…" said Saphira.

"You know, I was enjoying this, but I'm starting to worry. This Emerald seems to have real evil powers. After sleeping on it, I think I'm going to be glad when this book is over."

"That won't be for a long time," observed Saphira. "It's like three inches thick, and the print is tiny!"

Nasuada entered the tent, accompanied by Arya who was carrying The Book.

"Alright, everyone here?"

Cue nods of assent.

"Roran, Katrina, Orik, you may be thinking this is just a book. Be warned. You are wrong. It is a source of evil. It contains a character so nauseatingly perfect she can hardly be called a character. It contains maiming of personalities of those we know well. It contains horrible writing, by one who knows nothing about Alagaesia. Now, Arya?" said Nasuada.

Arya looked at Nasuada with the classic, "are-you-worth-this-much-to-me?" stare and grudgingly opened the book and began to read.

_Emerald was glad to leave the bright lights of the ballroom. She walked quietly beside Murtagh to what__ would be their room._

"No, see…it will be MY room and YOU can sleep out in the hall, or in another wing of the castle entirely….or out in the gardens. Or in this forest you mentioned." muttered Murtagh.

_Emerald was determined not the cry. She refused to let her emotions get the best of her. She had grown__ used to hiding her pain, so this was ordinarily not that hard. But tonight she had to bite her tongue to keep from sobbing._

"Over-dramatic much?" asked Katrina, annoyed.

"Just a little," said Arya with a snort.

_Neither of the two wished to break the silence. Everything was so different now._

"No it isn't. You're still annoying and overly dramatic and too beautiful to be anywhere near real," said Murtagh.

_Finally Emerald broke the silence. "What now?"_

"Oh nothing. Nothing. We're just going to take a nice little walk along the balcony, and you can look down at the garden and I can just happen to knock you over, and then my torment will end—" Murtagh soliloquized.

"Shut up." said Eragon.

"_I don't know." Murtagh said.__ Annoyance flooded Emerald. _

"_How can you not know?"_

"_Why would you expect me to know?" Emerald sighed. Life could not get much worse._

"No, no, not that much worse. Slaves in the empire have it better. Soldiers. People who are dying. Nothing compared to you." deadpanned Arya.

_Murtagh opened the door into a richly decorated chamber. Emerald stepped through and looked around.__ She dropped into a chair and stared at the floor. "Oh Gawd…" she thought._

"Elva, would you please go get-" began Angela.

"Not a chance. I want to watch!"

"You're a very scary little child, you know that?" said Orik, speaking for the first time. Elva nodded happily.

_Murtagh sat across form her and stared into the fire. After nearly ten minutes had passed, Emerald stood__ and began pacing._

"_Why are you doing this to me?"_

"I'm doing nothing to her! NOTHING! Why do people always blame me for things they THINK I'm planning on doing, but I never actually do?" Murtagh glared at the book.

"_What do you mean? I'm not doing anything!" cried Murtagh, looking up from the flames._

Everyone snorted with laughter.

"_If you're going to-Oh Gaw__d, I can't do this. Please just get it over with. Please." Emerald choked back tears._

"Defend yourself, idiot!" said Katrina, annoyed.

"_I don't want you, understand. Not now, not ever. This isn't my fault and you should realize that."_

"_Of course it is! You're weak enough to let him do this to you! You're exactly like your father, nothing but a pawn!" Emerald shrieked._

_Murtagh leapt up and shoved her into the wall. 'Never..say..that." he growled._

"_D__on't touch me!"_

"_There's not much you can do about it, is there?"_

"_You used to be so…so kind. What happened?"_

"I thought she used to think he was-" began Roran, but Nasuada stopped him.

"Don't try to keep track of their opinions of each other. It's not worth it."

"_What happened was that the world decided I was evil due to something beyond my control!"_

"_You had a CHOICE about killing Horthgar!" shouted Emerald._

Orik resumed his glaring.

"How does she know about that?" asked Eragon. "I wouldn't think it'd be something her father would tell her. "

"Shut up." said Elva. "I want to get to the mental scarring. And is it me, or are all of you trying to postpone said scarring?"

"Damn, she's on to us." whispered Katrina to Roran.

"_I did not! There was nothing I could do, and I'd like to see YOU thwart your father's oaths!"_

"_I've been disobeying my father for years! He can't even guess my true name, because I can keep him out of my mind! If I can do that, why can't you?"_

The tent was filled with stunned silence. Then, a tumult of voices broke out.

"Could _shield _her _mind_ from him?"

"What the hell?"

"She GREW UP with him, he's her FATHER, he would KNOW her!"

"Has she ever even felt his mental abilities?"

"What the hell?"

"She can't even use MAGIC! How is she going to have mental defenses?"

"Does she have ANY idea how powerful he is?"

"That's about as unrealistic as you can get!"

"What the HELL?"

Saphira roared, causing the tent to tremble and everyone to shut up.

"If we are being forced to read this….thing…then I would rather we got it over with. Now Arya, continue. Anyone who interrupts will face the wrath of a dragon who hasn't eaten today. You have been warned."

Arya picked up the book, and everyone clamped their mouths shut, all eyeing Saphira warily.

"_You can do that?"_

"_Yes," said Emerald "I can. Now, if you don't mind, do whatever you want to me. I give up."_

_Murtagh sat down next to her. "I'm not going to hurt you."_

_She stayed quiet._

"_Really, I'm not."_

_Emerald eyed him warily. "Fine. I suppose if you were going to, you would have by now."_

"Did she…just say….something intelligent?" asked Katrina with a look of mock surprise on her face. Saphira growled.

"_I would never hurt you. You're the most beautiful woman I've ever seen. I think I love you."_

Silence.

And then…

Hysterical laughter.

"I. Hate. You. All," said Murtagh grimly.

Roran and Eragon were pointing and laughing, Arya was doubled over and tears ran down her perfect face, Elva 's head was thrown back and Murtagh could swear even Solembum was smirking.

Arya picked the book up, and after stifling a few giggles, began reading again.

"_You love me? You've never done anything but look down on me! Called me 'Princess' even though you know I hate it! Acted like I was a helpless woman!"_

"You are," said Nasuada.

"_I'm sorry. I should never have underestimated you. Please don't hate me."_

_Emerald stared. She had no idea how to respond to this. Then she got her idea._

"Guntera help us." said Orik.

_She leaned over and pressed her lips ardently to his__._

"Awww!" cried Arya. Then she paused, feeling Eragon's burning stare. "Don't even think about it, Eragon."


	6. Chapter 5: The Horrors!

_~The Marvelous Adventures of a Mary-Sue: IC~_

Chapter Four: The Horrors of the Wedding Night

"Oh God!"

"On their FIRST NIGHT?"

"THAT'S gotta be fictional!"

"EW!"

There were just a few of the reactions to Arya's oration of Emerald's wedding night. About a paragraph in, Murtagh shrieked, "SKIP THIS PART!" Then in a small voice, "Please?"

Arya narrowed her eyes. "What have you done for me lately?"

"Well…I changed my true name mid-battle so I didn't kill anyone else…does that count?"

"Hmm….OK."

"No fair! I wanted to watch Murtagh go insane!" pouted Elva.

"'Go'?" asked Eragon.

Arya threw the book at Roran, who eyes it with distaste.

"By the way, where's her dragon? She hasn't spoken of it in a while." asked Orik.

"Good, she hasn't insulted the race of dragons. Except by assuming one would hatch for her." said Saphira.

_Emerald's eyes fluttered open. She rolled over, her perfect body __partially covered by the sheet—_

"I thought we were skipping this part?" said Roran, looking hopeful.

"Don't be a wimp. It's just a few minutes of adoration. Then they go out and spar." said Arya dismissively.

"Let me guess, Murtagh gets crushed like an ant?" asked Nasuada.

"I would imagine. If he can't even sneak up on her…."

_She rolled over, her perfect body partially covered by the sheet. She had a moment of moment of confusion__ as to where she was, but the feel of strong arms around her waist reminded her of her and Murtagh's recent activities. A smile spread across her face. Her movement woke her husband, who opened his eyes blearily. He almost gasped at the sight that met him. The newly risen sun was visible through the window pane. Its rays of light shone through, giving Emerald's visage a golden, ethereal glow. He was stunned speechless at her beauty, and wondered what he had done right in this world that he should be allowed the grace of her presence._

The entire group was, yet again, in hysterics.

"Eth-ethereal!" choked out Arya.

"Graced by her—oh my God!" gasped Angela.

Eragon couldn't even speak. He confined himself to pointing and laughing.

Murtagh was looking around the tent for a suicide method. Anything was better than this. _Anything. _After finding nothing, he was reduced to quivering in the fetal position on the floor, hoping it would all go away.

No such luck.

Arya calmed herself as best she could and began reading.

_Later on in the morning, the two were __taking a walk outside, underneath one of the trees in the courtyard. They were talking of their secret hope to sometime leave the castle and be free to live together forever, in peace. _

"_We have to run away," Emerald was saying. "There's no other choice. I won't let you fight for him!"_

"_Do you have any ideas?"_

"_Yes! I have a dragon. Change your true name, and we can escape together."_

"_What about me?" _projected Thorn. His plaintive tone made everyone laugh.

"Trust me, you don't WANT to be coming with her." said Nasuada.

"_You have a dragon?"_

"_Yes, her name is Sarra." _

"_Does your father know?"_

"_No, I have kept her hidden for many years. Sarra has been my only comfort."_

"_Life should not be so hard for one so gentle and good."_

Snorts filled the room.

"_It is my lot."_

"_I promise I will do everything within my power to get you far away from your father. You deserve better."_

"_You are so sweet. But now you must concentrate on changing your true name!"_

"_How can I? How can I change who I am?"_

"_Easily." said Emerald wisely. "Concentrate on some part of yourself that you would like to change. Then think about how you can bring that change about."_

"Really? Oh well if it's that's simple I'll just go ahead and concentrate. EXCEPT IT'S NOT THAT EASY! And maybe, just _maybe_ the king might have a way to PREVENT me from ESCAPING even if I did somehow manage this feat! And loving YOU sure as hell isn't changing anything." Murtagh practically yelled.

"Shut up." said Elva brightly.

"_You are wise, Emerald__. Perhaps if I concentrate on my love for you and try to cleanse my soul of hate I will manage this feat."_

"_No matter what happens, I will always be by your side, helping you."_

"What was that noise?" asked Eragon

"What noise?" replied Murtagh, annoyed.

"That whistling sound—I think it was your dignity flying out the window!"

"You're damn lucky I can't kill you without getting into trouble," said Murtagh through gritted teeth.

"Tents don't have windows." said Angela.

"It was a metaphor!" shouted Eragon.

"Metaphors are over-used. Now simlies, you can never have enough, but metaphors—"

"_Anyway, when we escape, we should use the secret passage! It is behind one of the portraits of the king. I will go ahead and take out the guards, and you can follow," said Emerald, already wisely outlining their plan._

"_No, it is too dangerous! I will go ahead and make sure the coast is clear, and _you_ will follow."_

"_Are you saying it's too dangerous for me?" challenged Emerald drawing herself up to her full height._

"_No—I just want to make sure you're safe!" Murtagh said, defensively. _

"_I'm not the one who constantly gets into dangerous situations. _I _should be watching out for _you."

"_You're more important than I am!"_

"_Not to me," said Emerald sweetly. She seemed to turn demurely to the side, but in a flash she had reached down and picked up a conveniently placed stick. With a cute but savage war cry she attacked. It took Murtagh only a second to locate another stick and defend himself. _

_Both of them were so skilled, everyone out in the courtyard stopped to watch. _

_Finally, Emerald had Murtagh at sword point, his own sword lying on the ground a few feet away, as she had disarmed him a second earlier._

"As if I would be bested by the likes of that powder puff of a woman," muttered Murtagh in a deadly voice.

"_Dead," she said with a smirk._

"_How did __you get so good?" asked Murtagh in awe._

"'Awe'? Really?" asked Nasuada, looking quizzically at Murtagh, who was attempting to hide behind his hair.

"_I learned from the old weapons master here. He took a liking to me, and even though my father wanted__ me to be ladylike, he taught me how to handle a bow and sword."_

"_You certainly are not like most women, Emerald."_

'_Why, thank you."_

"I'm not even going to start. Nope, not even going to go there," said Arya, fingering the dagger that she always kept in her belt.

"You're just mad she stole your trademark of un-femininity," said Nasuada.

"So you're saying I'm unfeminine?" bristled Arya.

"Arya, Nasuada, stop. You're just rankled by this…thing," said Katrina. Begrudgingly, Arya continued reading.

**AN: E2189 did that lovely bit of fluff you see when Emerald and Murtagh wake up, which had us both in hysterics. Here's credit where credit is due. **

**Review!**


	7. Chapter 6: Nightmares of Many Kinds

_~The Marvelous Adventures of a Mary-Sue: IC~_

Chapter 6: Nightmares of Many Kinds

"_I said _now_!" Murtagh's father pulled zar'roc from its sheath and threw it, catching Murtagh on the back. _

"_No!"_

_Emerald woke to someone shaking her violently._

"_Emerald! Emerald, are you all right?" Murtagh's voice was frantic._

"_I—__nightmare," she said._

"_Tell me." _

_Emerald bit her lip._

"_Please? Please let me help you."_

Eragon shook with silent laughter. Murtagh was shaking his head in disgust.

"_I've had the same nightmare for years. Of—that day," Emerald said."_

_The day I got my scar?" Murtagh asked gently._

"_Yes," said Emerald and her voice faltered. "I'm so sorry!" she sobbed. "I should have helped! I should have tried to talk him down or go get someone or tried to fight him off or something! But I just hid. I've regretted it forever."_

"_Emerald, you couldn't have done anything. I only regret _you_ were in danger too, but luckily he attacked me, not you." Murtagh said, pulling her closer._

"No. Not luckily. Not luckily at all," mused Arya.

"_But look what he did to you!"_

"_It doesn't matter. It doesn't matter, Emerald. Now that I have you nothing else matters."_

"Someone. Please. Kill. Me." said Murtagh, practically ripping his hair out from how tightly he held his head in his hands.

_Emerald stopped sobbing, but one__, perfect crystal tear ran down her face. Murtagh's heart clenched in response. He could never handle her tears, and it made him even angrier at himself that he was the one responsible for causing them._

Everyone tried to hold in their giggles. Then Angela snorted and it set them all off.

Arya started reading again.

_Slowly, Emerald fell back to sleep, wrapped in Murtagh's strong embrace._

"I've changed my mind. I wish I had let Galbatorix make me kill you all."

"Hmm," said Nasuada. "Obviously you aren't reformed yet. We have to keep reading."

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

_The next day__, Galbatorix summoned Murtagh. When Murtagh got back, however, he was troubled._

"_What's wrong?" said Emerald. She knew before he even said anything that something was wrong. Their bond was that close._

"I—has she even _met_ you? Or met anyone who knows of you? Or heard of your personality in any way?" asked Eragon. "You're the most freaking isolated, anti-social, secretive person I know. Like you would ever get that close to anyone that fast!"

"FINALLY someone understands! I'm being maimed here!" said Murtagh, exasperated.

"_Galbatorix wants me to go on__ an assignation mission to the Varden. He wants me to kill some high-up leader. I just hate fighting for an organization so good!"_

"So good. They never torture anyone in inhuman ways and slowly destroy the sanity of someone poor innocent ("Ha!" said Eragon) individual! Besides," said Murtagh "The Black Hand took care of assassination. Me slipping into the camp and carrying out my mission without being discovered is…I'm not even going to start on the implausibility."

"_I'll be gone two or three days at most."_

"_I'll miss you," said Emerald sadly._

"_And I you," replied Murtagh with a smile._

"A smile. A _smile_? Have you ever even _seen _Murtagh smile?" asked Eragon.

"Without him being sarcastic?" Angela replied dryly.

"Yes, I'll smile when I see her head on a _stake_," mumbled Murtagh darkly.

"_How about giving me a special goodbye?"_

"Is he thinking what I think he's thinking?" asked Roran.

"No! No, I'm not!"

Arya scanned the pages. "Yep, you are. Complete with melted chocolate and quite a lot of flexibility."

"ACK!" Murtagh fainted on the spot. Eragon found some cold water to wake him up while Arya madly flipped the pages, looking for safe territory.

_Emerald waited. "Two days at most," Murtagh had sa__id. The first day had been hard, the second torture. The third….Emerald thought she would wear out the carpet in her room pacing. She jumped at a knock on her door._

"I thought she could never be surprised," mused Eragon wryly.

"That stopped being funny the first time someone asked it," Murtagh snapped.

_A messenger led her to her father's throne r__oom. When she got inside, she had never seen him so angry. Several servants lay dead on the floor. He was pacing up and down, cursing. He looked up at Emerald._

"_Consider yourself wi__dowed for all practical purposes. Murtagh has joined the Varden."_

_**Like, e**__**nd chap 1 guyz, hope u enjoyd! :D isnt murty, leik, mean for leaving her? Lolz. well, im gonna post tha nxt chappie soon, k? Plz r&r!–inherigirl101**_

"YES! Chapter break!" yelled Arya.

"PARTY!" Orik shouted.

"With lots and lots of ale!" added Eragon, who was already heading to grab a mug.

Everyone enthusiastically agreed.

They dashed out of the tent leaving an extremely-pissed-off Arya holding _The Book_. She gingerly picked it up and tossed it off to the side. Then, she joined the others.

In the "mess tent" or whatever the Varden has, the characters were getting progressively more drunk by the minute. They were all laughing fit to burst, and shouting random quotes that made no sense to anyone who hadn't been exposed to the horror. Many celebrating Varden soldiers would have thought their dragon riders and leader had gone round the bend, but they were all as drunk as Eragon, Arya, Murtagh, Orik, Roran, Katrina, Angela, and Solembum. Nasuada was the only responsible one.

"YES! I am "liek, mean". I'm so, _leik_, mean, I'll rip you in half with my sword!" Murtagh was saying.

"MY sword," Eragon slurred.

"No 'nymore. I won it. Plus, it belonged to _my_ dad."

"Yeah but…mine's cooler! It bursts into flames!"

Nasuada broke up the dispute by yelling, "What had you done right in this world that you should be allowed the grace of her presence, Murtagh?"

"Hahahahaha…saved her…only…hahaha…she…_hic_…didn't need saving!" gasped Orik.

The night progressed much like this, until everyone stumbled back to their tents.

"This story is really not helping my already questionable sanity…" Murtagh mumbled through his ale induced haze right before he collapsed where he stood.


	8. Chapter 7: The Whining of Emotagh

_~The Marvelous Adventures of a Mary-Sue: IC~_

Chapter 7: Solembum's Prophecy is Thrown to the Wind, and The Whining of Emo-tagh

_Emerald felt totally betrayed. How could he have left her? She had trusted him! She stumbled back to her room, and cried, huge, wracking sobs. Sarra, through her mental link, was all for hunting down Murtagh and ripping him limb from limb, but that just made Emerald cry harder. _

_Finally, Mary came in. "Now, Lady Emerald, it'll be all right. There's plenty of other fish in the sea!"_

_Emerald nodded and began pretending to be all right. She hated causing others pain. Mary soothed her, hating to see Emerald in pain. Everyone hated seeing her in pain, except her evil father. She finally left Emerald alone to sleep. Emerald tossed and turned. She was angry at Murtagh for leaving her, but missed him deeply. Finally, she knew what she had to do. She penned her goodbye note, left evidence that she had leapt off the tower to her death, dressed in black, snuck past the guards—_

"Again, does she have _any idea_ how secure Uru'baen is?" Murtagh asked, annoyance dripping from every word.

"—_and found Sarra. Together, they began their flight. Not east to the Varden, but west, to Helgrind._

_Emerald had business there._

"She's in league with the ra'zac! It would explain _everything_!" cried Roran.

_They__ landed on the black peaks. Immediately, Emerald was attacked by one of the ra'zac. With another adorable yet terrifying war cry, Emerald attacked. The ra'zac, while they put up a good fight, they were no match for Emerald. With a quick stroke, she stabbed one of the freaky beetled creature-things with one stroke. The other she elegantly beheaded with a sweeping slash. She was satisfied with her small victory though she hoped for an actual challenge soon. She only became angry, however, when the beetle-things' black blood splattered on her clothes. _

"_Ew." Emerald wrinkled her nose cutely and moved on._

Eragon and Roran were, putting it mildly, infuriated beyond belief.

"_We_ killed the ra'zac! _We_ killed them!" yelled Roran.

"Small victory! Has she _any _idea of the _power _of a ra'zac?"

They were rendered speechless by the maiming of both their accomplishments and the ra'zac, who, let's face it, are pretty bad-ass villains.

_Emerald knew what she was looking for. Littl__e known, but well-protected, Gabble's vault of Eldunaris was located inside Helgrind._

"_Gabble?_" Murtagh asked incredulously.

"Is she entirely serious?" said Nasuada.

"That's the funniest thing I've ever heard in my life!" Elva exclaimed, practically falling out of her chair from her laughter.

_Easily breaking through her father's enchantments, Emerald found the Rock __of Kuthian. She spoke her true name, which meant, "Divine Light of Goodness and Wonder that Brings Happiness and Cheer to All" into the Vault of Souls and the large wooden doors opened. All around her were dragon eldunaris."_

"Eldunarya," said Arya dully.

"What a true name," commented Angela.

"It was supposed to be _my_ true name," muttered Eragon, annoyed.

"What is _with_ her and taking credit for other people's achievements?" asked Katrina.

"Watch her, she'll kill Galbatorix," replied Murtagh, shaking his head.

_Emerald gathered the eldunaris_—"Eldunarya," groaned Arya—_and placed them in her bag which, though small, could hold a large amount of objects. It had been another item inherited from her mother. Then, with emotions churning, she climbed on Sarra, and they began making their way to the Varden encampment._

"No! Stay away from my people!" cried Nasuada.

"I hope she uses you to amuse herself while she's fighting with me for leaving her," Murtagh said, smirking at Eragon, who had gone white as a ghost at the mention that Emerald might be within ten leagues of him.

_[In, liek, Maurtag's POV]_

"It's not that hard! M-U-R-T-A-G-H!" shrieked the irate dragon rider.

"Really? Silent H," observed Angela.

_I was walking to Nasuada's tent (and dreading it, the damn woman would not stop hitting on me. I belong to Emerald! And she's not even attractive!)_

Nasuada glared.

'I didn't say it! I didn't say it!" shouted Murtagh defensively. "She's just criticizing you to look better!"

_I was still guilty for leaving Emerald behind. However, I knew I had to fight for right in this world. I was planning on saving her as soon a__s I could. But when I reached the tent, Eragon looked downcast. _

"_What's wrong?" I asked, as a concerned brother should._

Eragon snorted.

"_It's not about me…Murtagh I don't know how to tell you but we just received word from the empire__._

"That fast? No way," said Katrina.

"_Emerald is…dead."_

_No._

_No…_

_NO!_

"YES! YES! Oh, happy day! Happy daaaaay!" sang Murtagh. The world's third-most-feared (after Galbatorix and Morzan) dragon rider leapt up and began doing the happy dance.

_The world stopped. The sun no longer shone. Emerald…_Emerald. _How could she be gone? _

"_SHE CAN'T GONE!" I shouted._

"_She is," replied Nasuada with a poorly-hidden smirk. "She killed herself."_

"_Then half my life is gone," I replied stonily. I turned on my heel and walked out, not even sure where I was going. I heard voices calling me. Through my tears, I called back "I want to be alone!"_

"I don't cry….ever," said Murtagh.

"Reeeally?" asked Eragon. "Even when beautiful, perfect girls who are half your life are involved?"

Murtagh's eyes practically turned red as he leapt at Eragon. The two were soon wrestling on the floor, magic forgotten.

"I guess it's good they're getting out their emotions," said Angela.

"_Poor Murtagh. I think the stress has finally got to him,_" Solembum commented mentally to Elva.

Finally, Arya broke the warring half-brothers apart. She made them sit on opposite sides of the tent, ignoring protests of,

"He started it!"

"Did not!"

"Did too!"

The elf gingerly deposited the book in Roran's lap and smacked her hands together as if to rid them of dirt.

_I walked past the tents into the forest beside the encampment__._

"We camped in the freaking Haderac Desert! Again, _no forests_!" said Roran.

_My world was shaken. I was still in shock. Emerald was the psychical embodiment of perfection in this world. And just when she was finally mine, she was cruelly ripped from me.__ And it was all my fault. I deserved to die! I had left her behind in that awful place. So she had given up._

'_Why?" I shouted to the trees. "WHY!"_

_Thorn tried to comfort me, but I blocked him out. Nothing could console me. I knew I had to keep fighting so I could kill her father (it was what she would have wanted), but my will to live was gone. _

_I would be forever alone. I could have no woman after Emerald, all paled in comparison. Besides, it would be an insult to her memory. I curled up in a ball on the forest floor and wept._

Tears of laughter poured down Eragon's face. Roran was attempting to hide his laughing fit—and failing. Basically everyone in the tent was out of control with hysterics.

Except our favorite emo dragon rider. Murtagh was carefully combing his hair in front of his face so as to completely obscure it. He pulled his legs in close to the chair to become as small as possible. If he hadn't sworn not to use any magic white his "punishment" (or, inhuman and unfair torture, as the red rider preferred to think of it) was going on, he would have used as spell for invisibility.

Finally, Roran controlled himself enough to continue reading.

_After what must have been hours, I forced myself to stand up. I walked back to the Varden, unashamed of my t__ears. Eragon was waiting for me.  
>"Are you all right, brother?"<em>

"_No," I replied shortly. "I am not, and I never will be. But now I am doubly determined to kill her father. She would want it that way."_

"_Good then," said Eragon, tactlessly, as usual._

"AHA! You are not immune to her insults!" cried Murtagh, pointing at Eragon, who was spluttering in indignation.

"_And can you bloody keep Nasuada away from me? I'm not interested," I said, before retiring to my tent._

Nasuada blushed crimson in anger and humiliation. Roran began reading again, only to find another chapter break.

_**Sooo…how do ya'll lyk it? Poor murty…but he nd Emerald will be 2gether again! I **__**h8 nasuada because its, leik, totally clear she's hitting on murty in the 1st book and that's, totally wrong. Shes totally unworthy. Anyway r&r peepz! –inherigirl101**_

"That girl needs to die…" said Nasuada in a voice that was quite scary.

"You're telling me," mutter Murtagh.

"Let's take a break. Back in fifteen minutes. And _no stopping by the mess tents. _ You're all hung over enough," ordered Nasuada.

**Well now, I think I got all the angstyness out of my system for the next year….Emo-tagh is pretty fun to write. E2189 and I have decided there is such a thing as angsty fluff. R&R, Peepz! **


	9. Chapter 8: Nasuada

_~The Marvelous Adventures of a Mary-Sue: IC~_

Chapter 8: Nasuada's Wrath

_After about half an hour, Emerald and Sarra had landed in front of the entrance to the Varden. _

"…Half an _hour_?" Eragon asked incredulously.

"It would normally take two to three days to make a trip from Helgrind to the Varden," added Roran.

_Soldiers paused from their work to look up at the beautiful newcomer. Emerald sent them a casual smile._

"_Hello, would you all happen to know where your leader i—" Just then, the rebel leader came out of her tent, her dress and hair disheveled._

"_I'm here…" She paused and looked Emerald up and down, swaying slightly on her feet, as if she was a bit tipsy. 'How irresponsible,' Emerald thought in distaste. She also dully noted that though Nasuada was a supposed leader of the Varden, her demeanor gave off one of a drunkard than that of an honorable woman. Nasuada seemed to get her bearings a bit, and moved to stand in front of her soldiers, attempting to look important. To Emerald, she merely appeared arrogant and powerless; an incompetent woman with more power than she could handle. The rebel "leader" was very plain-looking, especially compared to Emerald on the majestic Sarra._

Arya had to pause from her reading due to stitch she was getting in her side from trying to restrain her laugher, along with the rest of the room. Meanwhile, Nasuada was turning an interesting shade of red.

"Nasuada drunk. That's a sight I'd like to see," Eragon whispered to Elva, making her dissolve into a giggle fit.

"Murtagh, I might just join you in separating her head from her body," Nasuada said darkly.

"_Rider! Come no closer!" she called. _

"As if _she_ could stop us!_" said Sarra._

_Emerald allowed herself a smirk. That puny woman could never order her and Sarra around! Still, because she was kind and did not want to make Nasuada feel bad about herself, she had Sarra land a distance away from the tents._

"_Rider! Are you loyal to the empire?" _

"_No, we wish to fight for you!" called Emerald. She dismounted the dragon and sauntered over to Nasuada. _

_Standing next to the Varden leader, it was clear who was the more desirable woman. While Nasuada had no figure and looked like a young boy, Emerald was well-filled-out and feminine. She caught many of the soldiers eying her. Emerald wrinkled her nose in disgust. Nasuada was shorter and did not have the same air of command Emerald effortlessly gave off._

Nasuada glared even harder at the accursed book. When this was over, she silently vowed that she would see that putrid green leather burn in a stack of firewood until it was reduced to ashes. She began to finger the dagger she always kept in her belt…

"_If you wish to fight for us, you must pledge your allegiance and allow our riders to examine your minds," said Nasuada, attempting to regain control of the situation. _

_Sarra growled while Emerald tossed her hair to the side with one hand. "I swear allegiance to no one! And no one is looking through my mind, either! Accept me or I will leave!"_

"Yes! Leave!" said Roran, nodding.

"_No! No, you cannot! We will talk about this…from the moment I set eyes on you I realized how powerful you are. Come, let us discuss this in my tent." Nasuada unwillingly agknowledged Emerald's superiority._

Nasuada, again, glared menacingly at the book, mentally plotting her revenge against the fictional character who was rapidly becoming the bane of her existence. _'It's just a stupid story…it's just a stupid story…' _she thought in a mantra, hoping to relieve some of the oncoming insanity that was sure to come by the end of this ridiculous novel.

_Emerald had begun walking toward Nasuada, when she suddenly noticed she was not the only rider there: Eragon and Murtagh stood beside Saphira and Thorn respectively._

"Really? She didn't notice two _freaking dragons_ for what, five minutes?" Katrina asked sarcastically, rolling her eyes.

_She passed by her once-husband without a word, though she felt his eyes on her the entire time as she left the room._

"Ooh! Emerald's MAD! You better watch your back!" said Eragon sarcastically.

_Nasuada and Emerald sat in Nasuada's tent, discussing the requirements if Emerald indeed, would fight for the Varden._

"_Why do you come to the Varden?" asked Nasuada, propping her feet up on the table and leaning back on her chair in a lazy slouch. Meanwhile, Emerald was sitting politely in her chair, up straight with the air of dignity and poise. Quite the opposite from the woman across from her who was now openly using a nail file to get the dirt from under her fingernails. _('Stop glaring, Nasuada. You're going to burn a hole through the book' 'That's the _idea!_')

'_What a slob of a woman,' thought Emerald before she primly got up from her chair._

"_I will not swear fealty to you, but I will fight for the Varden, because it will eventually bring my father down from the throne. If you cannot accept this, I will leave and…return to the palace." Emerald knew she would never willingly return to her father, but it was a bluff. And she was sure Nasuada was stupid and dimwitted enough to believe the lie._

_Nasuada weighed her options. She could let the princess go, but it would be costing her much. Three riders instead of two could give them just the advantage they needed to win the war…and Emerald was very powerful. Nasuada could tell. To let her go would be too much of a sacrifice. _

"_Alright. You've got a deal. When can I expect—" Emerald immediately cut the other woman off._

"_You can _expect _anything you want. But I do things on _my _time, and when _I _feel it is right to do them. Now if you would show me to my tent, please." Nasuada tried her hardest not to cower at Emerald's terse, barely veiled command, and quickly complied._

"_Of course…this way."_

"End…chapter," Arya managed through her oncoming peals of laughter at the murderous look on the rebel leader's face.

"We're going to vanquish this thing. I'll read next," said Nasuada with a glint in her eye that frightened everyone in the room.

_The next day, a messenger appeared at Emerald's tent. _

"_Lady Nasuada decrees that you will be tested in your powers as a dragon rider," said the messenger boy. He looked afraid of Emerald's amazing powers, and of Sarra's deadly magnificence, but Emerald fixed him with a beatific smile._

"_Not a problem. Where do I go?"_

"_The training fields. I will take you." It was clear the poor boy was besotted with Emerald. Although, really, nearly every man in the Varden fell under that category._

"_He'd better not try anything," growled Sarra. "Anyone else breaks your heart and they will find me not so lenient._

"_Hush," said Emerald. "Be not filled with anger, Sarra. It is better to forgive and move on."_

"_Of course..you are right, as usual."_

"The arrogance is really starting to make me itch," said Angela.

_Out in the field stood Arya. She was clearly in awe of Emerald. The rider inclined her head. Might as well flatter the elf. _

"I'm going to kill her," said Arya in a terrifying, low voice.

"No, _I'm _going to kill her, but you can help," said Murtagh.

"_I have been told to test you in arms and magic. Draw your sword," said Arya._

_Emerald complied. Arya attacked, with a difficult attack that most would not see coming. Emerald knew it well. She blocked, and almost disarmed Arya, but chose to keep playing with her. Arya renewed her efforts. They were dancing in a complicated, deadly dance. Finally, breathing hard, Arya called a halt._

"_Enough. You are beyond competent. You are the best swordswoman I have ever seen!"_

"You know, I have _never _seen you compliment anyone. Come to think of it, I have never seen _any _elf compliment anyone, unless it was a formality," said Murtagh.

"Shut up because I kill you like I want to kill her," said Arya. "The insolent little _bitch, _how _dare _she dishonor me?"

"Calm down, at least you haven't had to shag her," said Orik dismissively.

Then everyone in the room got some highly disturbing mentally images, and there was a break in the reading where everyone pummeled the dwarf.

_Emerald modestly brushed the compliment off, and tried to ignore the stares. People had abandoned their posts to watch Emerald and Arya spar. _

"_Now I shall test you in magic. Lift that stone into the air," said Arya._

_Emerald performed every task Arya gave with ease._

"_Can she think of nothing harder?" asked Sarra with disgust._

"_Peace. Do not look down on those below you said Emerald._

"Hypocrite!" shrieked Nasuada.

"I think I'll use fire…" said Arya musingly.

"_You are the best fighter I have ever seen! We shall go inform Nasuada," said Arya in awe. _

_Emerald followed her to Nasuada's tent. After gaiing entrance past all the guards (because Nasuada was a coward)Arya explained that Emerald was a great fighter. Nasuada looked disappointed, but knew better than to question Arya. Even that weak woman stood above the leader. How sad._

"Weak?" Arya shrieked.

"I'm not going to say anything, not going to say anything…" muttered Nasuada.

"Wow…you know, I wonder how _Murtagh's _going to react to all this," Eragon said in fake wonder, casting a sly glance at said brother.

Murtagh glared, but suddenly plucked the book from Nasuada's grasp. She hadn't even noticed. She was resting her hand on the hilt of her dagger. She fingered the blade, her body stiff as a board, her hand itching to unsheathe her blade.

Murtagh skimmed the next few pages before starting to smirk wickedly.

"What?" Eragon asked as he suddenly felt the chill of unease creep up his spine.

"Sweet, sweet justice," said Murtagh, his grin broadening.

"_What?_" Eragon now felt a full on alarm from the expression his half-brother was sporting.

"This next chapter…it's about you."

**Hey everyone! Evanescence2189 here to say thanks for all of your lovely reviews. They are much appreciated, and I hope you enjoyed reading this chapter as much as we enjoyed writing it. Please read and review! :D**

**-E2189 and Witchy Pixie**


	10. Chapter 9: The Torture Continues

_~The Marvelous Adventures of a Mary-Sue: Inheritance Cycle~_

Chapter Nine – The Torture Continues…with Eragon

Eragon's face went through several amusing expression of shock, horror, and fear. His mouth moved, but no sound came out.

Murtagh smirked. He tossed the book to Katrina, who caught it and shot him a glare. She had hoped not to read, and she had a nasty feeling there would be a fight and an extremely romantic make-up scene afterward…

_Eragon walked with Emerald to her tent site. Emerald liked him, young and inexperienced, but with a good heart. She knew, with her guidance, he could become a great rider. He wasn't anywhere near as good looking as his brother, but he had a sort of cuteness about him. _

Through his laughter, Murtagh choked out "Half…brother!"

Eragon glared at the book.

"_Turnabout is fair play,"_ said Saphira, but Eragon ignored her.

_Soldiers clamored to set up Emerald's tent. All hoped to win the favor of this beautiful newcomer, but Emerald would never have thought of it. Most of them were old and drunk. She wrinkled her nose, but thanked them politely. She curled up in her tent and slept, happy in her first night of freedom._

Nasuada bristled at the description of her army. Murtagh made a mental note to take away her dagger if her insane expression did not go away.

_The next morning Emerald met with Nasuada, her incomnpatant battle advisor, Jormandur, Eragon, Arya (who clung to Eragon pathetically)—_

Arya jumped. "Pathetically? PATHETICALLY? I'm not—I don't—We don't even—little bitch!"

"So the perfect elf swears?" asked Murtagh. "Princess elf, no less."

"Shut. Up," said Arya.

"'Incomnpatant?'" commented Angela.

_And Murtagh. It took her only an hour to fix Nasuada's pathetic battle strategy. She also gave expert advice about how to break into the castle, sharing her secret knowledge of passages. She did all this without a glance at Murtagh._

Murtagh hadn't looked this happy since...ever.

_By the end of the meeting, she had everyone in the tent convinced she would make a far better leader than the idiotic Nasuada._

_Outside, Eragon cornered Emerald. _

"_Emerald, you spoke well today. We have a chance now, with your expert strategy!"_

"_It was nothing," said Emerald modestly._

"Modestly? Modestly? She doesn't even know what modesty means!" said Roran incredulously.

"_I've often hoped for an intelligent woman…Emerald I know I've said I love Arya, but even she pales in comparison to you. I care no longer for her! She's nowhere near your look, has not your wit and intelligence, and isn't even decent in bed! Be mine, Emerald!"_

Arya leapt over to Katrina, grabbed the book, and threw it to the floor. No one was sure if she was angry at the insults, or the suggestion she might have ever slept with Eragon.

"BRISINGR!" the homicidal elf yelled.

But the book didn't burn. The flames caught, but the book was unharmed.

Arya extinguished the spell. Everyone stared in shock.

"Evil! What did I tell you? Evil!" shouted Murtagh.

"It cannot be destroyed!" said Elva, with a crazed laugh.

"Alright, this is insanity. We're done. Murtagh, your penalty is over. Full pardon. Now, we'll leave the book here and investigate in the morning," said Nasuada with finality.

Everyone left, not a little freaked out.

The next day was spent issuing proclamations and setting up elections. Nasuada was attempting to turn Alagaesia into a republic, and resembling Princess Leia quite a bit in the process. However, at the end of the day, when she had gone to bed, she felt an unexplainable force pulling toward her command tent.

When she got there, everyone else was inside the tent.

"Why are you here?" she asked.

"I don't know," responded Eragon.

Similar responses came from everyone else.

"Wait," said Angela. She reached down and picked up a note that had fallen out of the book when Arya threw it. In ornate writing was a letter.

_To whomever is unfortunate enough to be reading this,_

_You may have vanquished me, but try living through this! My most evil servant wrote it. She is from a strange land called earth and is madly in love with Murtagh. What she sees in my incompetent minion, I have no idea, but it has something to do with a movie and some guy with hair in his face. Anyway,I promised her marriage to him if she wrote this (she said it was her "bestest fic eva!" She apparently "workd rly ahrd" on it). Silly little fool believed me! Which reminds me, she'll probably be after you to make good on my promise. How I love ruining lives… By the way, this…thing… cannot be destroyed until read all the way through! And once you start, you can't leave it for more than a day! Happy reading!_

_Your Benevolent Monarch,_

_King Galbatorix_

_P.S. I wish I could see you after you finished. Raving tearing mad, the lot of you! _

_P.P.S. Murtagh, I bet you wish you'd killed them all like I told you! _

"I TOLD YOU IT WAS EVIL! And yes, yes I do!"

"Murtagh, shut up," said Nasuada. "Now, we have learned two things. One is that the book is, in fact, and artifact of evil, made by the king himself. Two, "Inherigirl" is real, and out in Alagaesia somewhere. She must be found and brought to justice. But first, we must eliminate the book."

Everyone steeled themselves. Now it was a mission. Katrina began reading again.

_Emerald's eyes were sad. She truly liked Eragon, although he was vastly inferior to her. But she could never be with anyone else. Murtagh ahd abandoned her and hse could never love again._

"You're so cruel!"

"Oh, shut up."

"_Eragon…you're cute, but it could never be. I know it is hard to settle for Arya after loving me, but try to be good to her. She is, if inferior, not all bad." And she kissed him on the cheek (which he never washed again-_ew!)_ Then she handed him a book entitled, "_Sex for Dummies_." _

"_Give this to Arya. It should help." And then, after helping Eragon (Emerald always put others before herself,—"_Ha!" said Katrina—_she retreated to her own tent._

Eragon and Arya were carefully not looking at each other. Arya looked like she would spontaneously combust at any moment. Eragon's face was beet red with humiliation, as well as the tips of his ears.

_However, at midnight, she was still unable to fall asleep. She stood and stepped out of her tent. She walked to the forest, disregarding Sarra's concerns for her safety. _

'_I can take care of myself!" she said, rankled._

"Gee, if I "disregarded" Saphira's "concerns for my safety", she sure as hell wouldn't just let me walk away," said Eragon darkly.

"That's because you're so wimpy your own dragon orders you around," replied Murtagh.

"And there is. No. Freaking. Forest!" shouted Roran.

_However, a few yards into the woods, Emerald realized she was not the only one to have taken refuge there. _

_Murtagh stood under one of the trees, looking bereft. He turned and saw Emerald, who tried to walk past him with a look. Pain showed in his face, and pity welled up in her._

"I DO NOT WANT YOUR PITY!" yelled Murtagh, startling everyone.

_But anger soon replaced it. "You _left _me! You left me in that awful place after you told me you loved me!" _

"_I had to! It was my only chance!" Murtagh's expression was pleading._

"_If you loved me, you would have found a way to take me with you!"_

"_The king would have found out! I would not have gotten antoher chance. He would have tighen the spells binding me."_

"_Coward," spat Emerald._

_Murtagh had no response. Emerald was, as always, right._

"_Emerald, I would have come back for you. I swear. I love you. I will always love you. And I'm sorry. So, so sorry. You're right, it was selfish, worthy of my father—_

Murtagh's eye twitched.

_-and you deserve far better than me. But I love you. Forever. With all my heart._

Eragon mimed throwing up.

"Has anyone noticed how the grammar is getting progressively worse?" commented Angela.

_Emerald fell into his arms. "I…forgive you," she murmured. Then the beginning strains of their familiar songs suddenly sounded around them They both smiled. Murtagh began, singing softly and sweetly to his beloved._

_(Murtagh)_

_My love  
>There's only you in my life<br>The only thing that's right  
><em>"Oh. My. God," said Arya. Murtagh felt the feeling of dread usually reserved for his old master, Galbatorix. No, wait…this was worse._  
>Then Emerald joined in, her light soprano harmonizing perfectly with his lowish <em>(really?)_ tenor._

_(Emerald)_

_My first love  
>You're every breath that I take<br>You're every step I make_

"Oh God, what are we reading?" asked Eragon.

"I know this song!" screeched Elva, bringing our her guitar and playing along._  
>(Murtagh)<br>And I…_

_(I…..)  
>(Murtagh)<em>

_I want to share  
>(Both)<em>

_All my love with you  
>No one else will do<em>

"I could think of a few," muttered Roran. Katrina gave him a side glance.

"Like who?" Roran gulped.

"No one!"_  
>(Emerald)<em>

_And your eyes  
>(Both)<em>

_They tell me how much you care_

"What about my eyes could tell you shit? Nothing. Absolutely nothing."_  
>Oh, yes you will always be<br>My endless love_

_(Both)  
>Two hearts<br>Two hearts that beat as one_

_Our lives had just begun_

"Maybe mine has, but yours is about to end. _Very soon,_" muttered Murtagh darkly._  
>(Emerald)<em>

_Forever_

_(Both)  
>I'll hold you close in my arms<br>I can't resist your charms  
><em>"YES I CAN! YES I _CAN_!"

"Murtagh, shut up," said Nasuada.

_(Emerald)  
>And love<em>

_(Both)  
>I'll be a fool for you<br>I'm sure_

_(Emerald)  
>You know I don't mind<em>

"I would," commented Arya._  
>(Murtagh)<em>

_You know I don't mind  
><em>"Yes. I DO!"

_(Both)  
>'Cause you<br>You mean the world to me  
>Oh, I know <em>

_("I know," said Emerald.)  
>I know I found in you<br>My endless love  
><em>

_Oh  
>And love<br>I'll be that fool for you_

"You're already a fool," said Angela._  
>I'm sure<em>

_(Emerald)  
>You know I don't mind<br>(Murtagh)_

_You know I don't mind  
>(Both)<em>

_And yes  
>You'll be the only one<br>'Cause no one can't deny_

"Bet you I can," said Murtagh._  
>This love I have inside<br>And I'll give it all to you  
>My love<br>My endless love..._

At this time Elva stopped playing the guitar, the last chords ringing out before fading at an echo.

There was dead silence…

Before the entire room erupted in laughter, save for Murtagh, who looked at the dagger at Nasuada's side a little more closely…was that longing in his eyes?

_After a few minutes of passionate kissing—_

Murtagh wimpered in fear. Eragon smirked. Payback time!

_The two hurried back to Emerald's tent. "I missed you," whispered Emerald as he laid her down gently._

"I think we're wading into dangerous waters here…." said Arya. Katrina flipped ahead, making a few faces on the way.

"Damn, Murtagh, I didn't know you liked—"  
>"I DON'T! Whatever it is!" shrieked Murtagh, covering his ears so he didn't here whatever macabre activities his fanfiction counterpart had gotten up to.<p>

_**Wel, howd u lyk it? Isnt Murty sweeeeeeeeeet? Nd I had to put a lil Emerald/Eragon even tho they could never work. Emerald's 2 good for him! R&r plz!1**_

Everyone bolted for the tent door. They had a few hours of freedom.


	11. Chapter 10: A Toerxed City

_~The Adventures of a Mary-Sue: Inheritance Cycle~_

Chapter 11 – A "Toerxched" City and Rated X

Katrina was relatively unfazed by the M-rated content. She flipped the pages and began reading again.

**_End chappie! Soooo how did u lyk it? Sexi huh? *wink wink* anyways ima going 2 do a battle seene nxt. The siege of bellatoner! _**

"Belatona…Bela_tona_!" said Nasuada, with the tone of one exasperated beyond belief.

**_Ok guyz so my beta cant edit this for me, sooo there mite b a few gramer nd speling mistakes, but it shoundt b too bad. R&r, peeps!_**

"Oh my God…..this whole thing will be like those notes?" asked Arya.

"What's a beta?" asked Orik.

"Do we _have _to keep reading?" asked Murtagh.

"Yes…I don't know…yes," said Nasuada.

_Emerald nd Marutagh_

*Insert pause for laughter here*

_Wer walkin outside around tha verden camp. They were getting lots of stares cause they were both so good looking. Especially Emerald. Nasuada was sleeping late cause shes lazy, so they had nothing too do. "why _

_don't we visit Sarra and thorn?" asked Emerald. Murrtaugh agreed and they went off into the woods wher the dragons were staying. As it turned out, they got along realy well and Thorn waz even showing some _

_interest in Sarra as a possible mate._

_"He's to young! He is a mere hatchling compared to me!" said sarra._

_'yes but give him a chance. He may mature. Besides, wouldn't it b romantic tht both the riders and dragons were in love?"_

_"I still say he is a hatchling." Grumbled Sarra_

_"Nothing could compare to your magnificience! But he chose Muraugh as his rider so he must b fairly intelligent."_

"You should feel complimented, Murtagh. She likes you!" said Arya.

"Now, if she could only learn to spell my name right."

_Emerald talked a little too thorn, who was nice is not very smart_

"_Hey! I think I'm plenty smart for being Galbatorix's slave my entire life!_' said Thorn, annoyed.

"Don't take offense. She insults everyone," soothed Katrina.

"…Except me. Lucky, lucky me," said Murtagh grimly.

_After a few hours they returned to camp. Nasuada was (finally) up and "commanding" meetings. She was doing a better job using emerald's strategy, but she still had no air of command. Everything went better as _

_soon as Emerald enturd (*giggle snort*) the tent. All the people perked up at such a be-YOO-ti-ful site!_

"Or possibly trembled in fear. You never know," muttered Angela.

"What the fuck? 'Giggle snort,' what is that?" asked Roran.

"Oh, it's like this." Elva proceeded to demonstrate the "giggle snort," as Inherigirl had so eloquently put it, eliciting strange looks from the rest of the room.

"Did someone drop you on your head when you were born last year?" asked Murtagh dryly.

"No, I was cursed," Elva replied in a deadpan, pausing to give Eragon a cursory glance. The Blue Rider flushed a delicate shade of crimson, avoiding her stare.

"By Eragon?"

"He was trying to bless me."

"Figures."

_With Emerald's expert strategie advice (Nasuada kept interuppting with stupid questions so it took a while) tehy made a plan 4 the siege of Belatona._  
><em>Two hourz latr, they reached the city. <em>

"Two hours, that makes so much sense…she's not even going to _mention_ the hardships of such traveling?' asked Roran incredulously.

"Nope. It has nothing to do with either her or Murtagh's looks. Therefore it has no importance," said Arya.

_Nasuada chose 2 send emerald a head to try to get the citizens to surrender peacefully. She hoped Emerald's good looks and kind nature would appeal to tehm. HOwevr Emerald, though she gav a wonderful speach did not win they ignorant villagers ovr._

"Belatona is a city, not a tiny village full of backward idiots," said Arya. Then, as an afterthought, "No offense, Eragon."

_The siege began, with catapults, battering rams, and soldiers attacking the outer wall. Emerald waited wit Eragon nd Martugh_(Really? _Really?_) _outside da city for the signal tht would let them know it was time to torch the city!1_

"She's a little violent…" said Angela.

_Eragon sensed tht the lovers needed sum time alone together. He walked off, pretending to be talking to his boring dragon Safira._

"_BORING?" _ shouted Saphira, shocking everyone in the tents. She roared and looked like she was about to burn down the tent.

"She even misspelled your name. That's…sad," said Elva, the only one not phased.

"_Be safe. I culd not hope to live without your love!" said Murtagh._

"_It's OK, Murr-Murr—_

"WHAT THE _HELL_ DID SHE JUST CALL ME?_" _shrieked Murtagh reaching previously unknown decibels.

Eragon looked like he was in danger of passing out from laughter. His face was turning red and he had tears streaming from his eyes.

Arya had fallen to the un-elven level of pointing and laughing, hysterically.

Elva and Solembum were holding on to each other to stay upright, and Angela had her head thrown back and looked quite insane.

Roran was on the floor, apparently having passed out. Katrina had the decency to _try _to hide her laughter, but it wasn't happening.

Nasuada was bent over, shaking with the sobs that had come from laughing too hard.

Saphira, who had stuck her head in the tent, was causing it to shake with her mirth.

Even _Thorn, _Murtagh's supposed partner of heart and mind was chuckling. The red rider surveyed the room,

"_I. Hate. You. All, _he whispered in a terrifying voice to rival Smeagol.

After ten minutes of laughter, Murtagh reached over, grabbed the book, and began stabbing it repeatedly with Nasuada's dagger. This got the attention of the crowd pretty fast.

"You're…scary," said Katrina.

"You know you're not doing anything, right?" asked Arya. To everyone's astonishment, the book, in fact, wasn't harmed in the least. The stab holes had been filled again, and the book looked good as new.

Murtagh stared in disbelief. Then, an insane expression crossed his face. He picked up the dagger and stabbed harder than before.

"DIE! DIE! DIE!" he yelled.

"Who knew? It wasn't a nauseatingly fluffy romantic scene, proclaimations of love, cheesy songs, or even a full-out sex scene that drove Murtagh to his breaking point. It was a nickname," said Angela.

After Roran and Eragon (still trying to hold in the laughter) restrained Murtagh by dragging him over to Saphira and allowing the dragoness to wrap her tail around him, everyone settled down to read.

"Thorn! THOOOOORN! Help me! Heeeeeelp!"

"_Sorry, Murr-Murr, I want to see what happens next," _said Thorn. "_Your torture is most amusing!"_

Murtagh stared in disbelief at his dragon. "I feel betrayed. Utterly. Betrayed."

_-I'll be all right. You know no foe but Galbatorix could hope to best me!"_

"_Yes, Emmy-darling—"_

There was a beat of silence before the laughter returned anew, this time with a vengeance. Murtagh strained against Saphira's tail, swearing like a sailor.

Finally, Katrina composed herself enough to ask "Emmy-darling? Really, Murtagh?"

"Those words shall never pass my lips," said Murtagh through clenched teeth.

"_I know you are valiant, and the thought shall give me courage."_

"I HAVE PLENTY OF COURAGE WITHOUT YOUR 'VALIANCE!'" Murtagh said, maniacally appearing to be addressing Emerald herself.

"_Now let's go kick some ass!" yelled Emerald, with an adorably terrifying shriek. Right at that moment, Jarsha appeared suddenly in front of them._

"_Yes, Jarsha?" Emerald asked._

"_You have clearince into Baletoniar,"Mertog nodded with a smile—_

"Once again, I _never_ smile."

"_Ya guyz! Off 2 battle two kick some bootay!" emerald exclaimed. Everyone cheered in agreement and within ten minutes, Emerald and Mortaugh—_

"HOW MANY TIMES CAN YOU POSSIBLY MISSPELL MY NAME? Illiterate _bitch_!"

"Do you _mind_?" asked Katrina in annoyance. Murtagh sat back down, grumbling to himself.

"…_within ten minutes, Emerald and Mortugh _("REALLY?") _had effectively captured Batilitona and torched the entire city. Emerald watching in satisfaction as she watched the flames rise up from the now toerxched city. Though Emerald had fun teasing Mertag when she effortlessly saved him from a mear soldier that Murtagh had been having a significant amount of trouble with. She swooped in with Sarra and stabbed the dude right in tha heart, ending his life. _

"Now that's just insulting," commented Murtagh dryly with a roll of his eyes.

"_Thank you beloved," he had said, taking her into his arms and giving her a sweet kiss._

"…How sweet was it?" asked Eragon, giving Murtagh a sly glance. His half-brother only glared in response.

"Don't make me cleave you in two, because I'm very tempted at the moment."

"Is it just me or is she getting more repetitive?" asked Solembum, who hadn't spoken for quite some time.

"And really, ten minutes? It would have taken days, not to mention countless lives!" said Nasuada in disbelief.

_They got back to the camp and Emerald again watched in satisfaction when Nasuafda blew a hissy fit cuz Emerald had conquered the city so fast, with the help of Murtagh. Nasuada couldn't have ebver done that so fast if she had been there, and not gorging herself on fattening candy and chocolate._

"Technically, chocolate is candy," said Angela. Nasuada burned with rage at the wench's insolence. She did _not _"gorge herself on fattening candy."

"What about ME?" asked Eragon incredulously. "She didn't even mention me! I fought too, and I'm just as good as Murtagh." An audible snort could be heard from across the room from where Murtagh was still trapped in Saphira's clutches.

"Yeah, right. You couldn't beat me if I had no arms and legs." Eragon bristled at the accusation.

"I could _so _beat you!"

"Would you two _shut up!_" exclaimed Arya. Everyone was quieted by Arya's glare. Hesitantly, Katrina read on.

_Afterwards they all had a party cuz they had, leik, one the day. But during the party, Emerald discreetly beconed Mortogh and pinned him with a sultry gaze. He resonded with a sly smile, and escorted her to her tent, feeling each other up all the way._

"Whoa there, getting a little steem-ay," Eragon teased, snickering. If looks could kill, Eragon would be a quivering mass of flesh-goo on the floor, nearly incinerated by the power of Murtagh's homicidal glare…quivering.

"_Come to me, my love," Emerald said._

"Okay, skipping this part, skipping this part," Katrina sing-songed as she flipped the pages. She turned green as she skimmed, catching sentences here and there from the so called "rated M material." More like "rated X."

_The next day they would make way for Ellesmrea._

"Really, the bitch couldn't even spell Ellesmera right?" asked Arya, clearly pissed off if she was still swearing.

"End chapter," announced Katrina with a weary sigh. There was a chorus of "FINALLY!" and "HALLELUJAH!"

"All right, we'll come back tomorrow after the desensitizing wears off," said Nasuada. Everyone conveyed their agreement as the tent was left empty once again…all except for one.

"Hey…guys?" Murtagh called after them from his position…tied to a chair. Saphira had left him there so she wouldn't have to hold him anymore, and had magically sealed him.

"Guys?" Still no answer.

"GUYS? You're not _that_ heartless are you?" Apparently they were.

**Hey guys! E2189 gets credit for "Murr-Murr". She's awesome. In fact, she would be here…if she wasn't being chased by some crazy guy with hair in his face, screaming "I WILL DESTROY YOU!" with a sword in hand. I'm sure she'll be okay…Oh shit, he's coming this way. Review, please!**


	12. Chapter 11: Perfection: UPGRADE!

_~The Marvelous Adventures of a Marysue: IC~_

Chapter 11 - Otherworldly Perfection: UPGRADE!

It was almost noon the next day when everyone trouped in to the tent. They had avoided it as long as they could. Outside, the weather was beautiful, and Eragon and Saphira had taken advantage of it and gone for a flight. Roran and Katrina had spent some time together (we're not saying what they were doing), Angela had worked on her potions with Elva, Orik had hung out at the armory, and Nasuada had gotten some much needed sleep. Everyone was in a better mood, and they all headed off for the tent together. When they got there, they were greeted by a very pissed-off Murtagh, who was still tied to his chair.

"Hi everyone. How was your night? Mine was great, thanks for asking. Sleeping tied to a chair is really comfy. You should try it!"

"We forgot about you!" shouted Eragon, and then, as usual, the laughter started. Murtagh was growing to hate the sound…

"It's not funny!"

*hilarious laughter*

"So, someone else's misfortune is amusing, huh? Didn't Galbatorix say the same thing?"

*Uproarious laughter*

"So it's just _so amusing _to tie up a poor innocent person, who's all ready mentally scarred?"

*Guffaws, giggles, chuckles, snorts*

"Seriously. I fail to see the humor in this."

*tears streaming down cheeks*

"Okay, okay. You tied me to a chair and forgot about me. It's hilarious. Now _let me go!_"

*people in serious danger of passing out*

"I. Hate. You. All,"

*Continuing laughter*

"_By the lost kings, will you all STOP IT?"_

Nasuada controlled herself enough to start disentangling Saphira's knots. "How on earth did you do this with _claws?_" she asked.

"_I have skills," _said Saphira smugly.

"Someone read. This might take all day," said Nasuada with a grimace, who was still working on the first knot she had started with.

Everyone looked at each other with blank stares. No one wanted to read this abomination.

Finally, Orik, glaring as threateningly as only dwarves can (it's their Napoleon complex) before reached over and picked up the book.

"Fine, if you are all too overcome with cowardice, I'll do it."

_Elves, Dwarves, Urgals (ew!), and humans alike fought to be Emerald and Murtagh's guard as they traveled to Ellesmera to meet Queen Izlanzidi. Emerald picked Eragon, Arya, and several other unimportant elves to escort them. _

"Stay. Out. Of. My. Country!" growled Arya. The thought of what Emerald could do in Du Weldanvarden frankly scared her.

"There's a _war _going on! How can we be going off to Ellesmera?" asked Eragon, annoyed.

_The journey was pleasant, mostly because of Emerald's beautiful presence. The elves were spending their time making up a song about her beauty; except Arya, who was consumed with jealousy. She clung to Eragon and slapped him every time he looked Emerald's way._

Even Murtagh laughed. Arya stared at the book, wishing it a thousand painful deaths, involving a combination of daggers, fire, acid…and angry squirrels…for good measure.

_Emerald was obviously marvelous at riding, and she won several races with Murtagh. _

"Oh, oh, that's going TOO FAR! No one beats me! Not even those Urgals that chased Eragon and me across Alagaesia!" exclaimed Murtagh indignantly.

"Murtagh, shut up," said Nasuada absently.

_Thorn and Sarra flew overhead. Sarra constantly complained to Emerald about Thorn chasing after her, but Emerald merely laughed. Sarra would grow to like him, maybe even more than like him. All in all, it was a perfect day, made even better by the presence of the perfect couple._

Orik looked astounded such drivel had passed his lips. However, the determined dwarf plowed on.

_After a day's riding—_

"Does she have _any _concept of time and space? It would take days, maybe weeks to reach Ellesmera from Belatona!" said Arya.

_They reached the beautiful elven city. The guard at the gate was so awed by Emerald's beauty that he almost let them in without checking their minds. Arya acted all bitchy about that, but really, everyone knew who they were. Freak. ( _Arya made a sound of annoyance.) _Anyway, they entered the city, and Emerald immediately felt right at home. Ellesmera was beautiful. _

"_I could live here!" she said to Murtagh. "I fit right in, it's so gorgeous!"_

"_Nothing compared to you, beloved," he replied._

Giggle-snorts filled the room. Murtagh, still trapped where he sat, gazed murderously around the room. When Eragon began point and laugh in Murtagh's face, however, Murtagh tried to lung from the chair to tackle Eragon, only to fall back on the seat. He was still mostly tied to the chair, and to Nasuada's annoyance, had done nothing to help the freeing process go any faster.

"Now look what you did! You made the knot tighter. Now this is going to take even longer, you idiot!"

_They went to the palace to meet the elf queen, Izlizady._

"Islanzadi!" shouted Arya. "I-S-L-A-N-Z-A-D-I!"

"Really, that's actually pretty tough. I think you can forgive her for misspelling it," said Roran reasonably.

"'Izlizady'? I don't think so. I'm just glad my mother's not here to see this," retorted Arya.

_They all walked in and bowed. Izaizdi spoke first to Emerald. _

_"Rise, dragon rider. You bow to no one!"_

"That quote sounds familiar…" said Angela musingly.

_Emerald stood prettily. "I hear you escaped from your dreaded father to save our land," said the elf queen. _

_Emerald's angelic face darkened at the mention of her father. Murtagh put an arm around her protectively. _

_"Do not speak to Emerald of her father! It still saddens her and I would not see her unhappy for all the world."_

"Aww! Now _that's _how you treat a girl!" said Nasuada. Everyone responded with a variety of weird looks. With one last cursory glance at the rebel leader, Orik continued reading.

_Though grateful, Emerald mentally told Murtagh to shut up. It was a sweet gesture but unwise. Of course, he obeyed Emerald's wisdom._

"Even _Emerald _tells me to shut up," said Murtagh, in a defeated voice.

"Maybe she's smarter than we thought," replied Roran.

"Shut up!"

"Technically, she only tells him to shut up when he's not praising her name," muttered Angela.

_Izisadi said a feast would be held in their honor the second night, but now was time to for all to rest. She sent the unimportant elves to their various homes, and allowed Arya to stay with Eragon in the dragonhold. She gave Emerald and Murtagh Vrael's old room._

"Hey! That's my room! I stayed there the last time I was in Ellesmera!" said Eragon indignantly.

_Up in the dragonhold they—_

"BY GUNTERA!" cried the dwarf and toppled off his chair in a dead faint. Everyone rushed over to help the Dwarf (except Murtagh. He was still tied to his chair.). Finally, they were able to get Orik back in his seat, although he looked strangely distant and pale.

"Are you all right?" asked Eragon.

The Dwarf nodded, then turned to Murtagh.

"For four _hours!_ Are you insane, lad?"

Murtagh closed his eyes and leaned back in the chair.

"I'm beginning to think so…"

_The next morning light poured in, again making Emerald look like a sun goddess._

"So they had the window open? Geez, anyone could have seen or heard them! Have you no sense of decency, Murtagh?" asked Katrina.

"I hate you all…every single one of you."

"We know."

_They spent the rest of the day wandering around Ellesmera. They had to spend most of their time in more secluded areas, because many elves kept coming up to them in awe of their beauty._

"Okay, let's get a few things straight here," said Arya, in a voice that indicated dangerously high levels of pissed-off-elfness.

"One, practically all the elves would have been off storming Gil'ead at this time, even considering how she's fucked up the timeline. Two, elves don't fall all over anything beautiful. Three, I'm fairly certain we wouldn't just have let Morzan's son and Galbatorix's daughter just skip into our forest. And four, the drivel is getting worse chapter by chapter."

"Are you quite finished?" asked Orik testily. Arya just gave a simmering glare that could have melted iron.

_Finally, it was time for the party. Emerald wore a beautiful *emerald* green dress that showed off her curvaceous curves and cleavage nicely. The material was satiny and light reflected off of it in a radiant spectrum of colors that were bright enough to make a person blind (but in a good way). Her shoes were delicate, golden heels that she wore and never tripped on, being that she was the epitome of grace and poise. She wore a necklace the queen had given her (it had been meant for Arya, but Izladi thought it would look better on Emerald.). It was an emerald surrounded by several diamonds on a gold chain. She was even offered a tiara of intricately molded gold, but she refused it._

"_I am no longer a princess!" she said, lifting her chin proudly. _

"_You are to me," replied Murtagh. "You are the princess who rules my heart, and my world,"_

*cue laughter*

"I hate…oh what's the use?" said Murtagh in defeat.

Finally, Orik was able to control himself enough to continue reading.

'_Wish he'd passed out from laughing too hard…and then they'd have to go take him to a healer…and I might have some bloody peace,' _thought Murtagh sourly. Thorn offered no sympathy—he and Saphira were laughing their heads off together.

'_My only friend abandons me…how appropriate,'_ Murtagh mused.

_At the feast, all stood in awe of Emerald! She walked with the elegance of a queen to her place at the table. Several elves made speeches about Emerald's beauty and heroics of all the riders (mostly Emerald). Finally, Murtagh stood up and spoke._

Back in the real world, Murtagh hid his face in the palms of his hands. This would _not_ be good. Not good, not good with whatsoever.

"_Emerald is the light of my life! She saved me from becoming as evil as my father, shedding her pure light on my once darkened heart. I would not be alive without her. The whole world pales in comparison to Lady Emerald's beauty and grace. Without Emerald, there would be no balance in the universe, and my world would definitely come crashing down. She is the sun that rises in the east and sets in the west. She is the beautiful, pale moon and is as vibrant as the stars, and I thank the gods for granting her to me, though I know with all my being that I do not deserve her." He sat down, slightly embarrassed._

"Slightly embarrassed" was nothing on the emotions of the real Murtagh. He was actually twitching…violently. Seriously, it looked like Murtagh was having seizure. Eragon had the decency not to point and laugh. Just laugh hysterically.

"_That was beautiful, my love!" whispered Emerald. "Thank you!"_

"_Nothing but what you are due," he replied._

*gigglesnort*

Everyone looked at Orik, who cleared his throat self-consciously.

_Later on, two elf maidens, completely naked except for a large dragon tattoo that covered both of their bodies came out and danced._

"_How immodest!" said Emerald. _

"Oh, she should talk!" growled Nasuada.

"They only do that for the Agaetí Blodhren!" said Arya indignantly.

_However, as they danced, the dragon appeared to move. Emerald felt it touch her mind. There was so much dragon magic behind the voice (really voice_s_) that spoke to her, but Emerald was not afraid."_

"_In reward for your heroic actions, and to help you save Alagaesia, we will make you an elf."_

"_Thank you," said Emerald._

"_We are honored to do so," said the dragons. Then, Emerald lost consciousness. _

"Hey! She's stealing my gift!" said Eragon.

"No she's not. You're only half-elf, it appears she is becoming a full elf," replied Arya dryly.

"The improbability! It _burns!_" groaned Elva theatrically.

_Emerald woke to several concerned faces looking down on her. Murtagh appeared distraught._

"Because you woke up," said dragon rider mumbled.

_She felt power surge through her, and in a second she was on her feet. Emerald leapt into the air, almost 20 feet. She landed and sent a burst of green magic around the entire table, eliciting screams. The green wave of power roared, but she contained it perfectly. Sarra added her flame to the mix, showing an amazing demonstration of pure force. Emerald let the magic burn out and looked back over at Murtagh. His mouth was agape, not only at her power, but also her beauty. Emerald was ten times more gorgeous now _("Guntera help us," said Orik.) _with her elven features. Her black tresses were even more lustrous and thick, her facial features, adjusted so her eyes were catlike, her nose thinner, and cheekbones higher, were even more gorgeous. She was taller and slimmer, but still curvaceous and alluring. Emerald was now so beautiful she looked simply ethereal in her radiance. _

"_My love, you are amazing! Are you all right?"_

"_Fine," she said. "Wonderful."_

_And then all the elves bowed to her._

"What. The. _HELL_?" asked Arya in a dangerous voice. "Elves don't bow to random humans like her!"

'You forget, she's an elf now!" said Murtagh wickedly.

"End chapter," said Orik, and he proceeded to read the author's note through clenched teeth.

_Hey ppl! OK so this chappie was full of plot nd so on so the nxt one mite b just filled…obv. Murtagh will want to check out Emerald's new body! *wink wink* ny way hope u enjoyed! Review plz! Luv, Inherigirl101_

Orik threw the book as far away from him as possible. Nasuada untied the last knot, and Murtagh launched out of the god-forsaken chair and fairly ran for the tent door. Predictably, everyone headed to the mess tent to get drunk…again.

Pixie here…ah, now that was fun to write. Nothing to say but review! And hope you enjoyed it!

Cookie to anyone who knew why Izzy's quote sounded familiar.

E2189's edits are full of wonder. Check out our other TMAOMS for Chronicles of Narnia, under E2189's account.


	13. Chapter 12: The Dangers of Elfshagging

_~The Marvelous Adventures of a Marysue: IC~_

Chapter 12: The Dangers of Elf-Shagging

Everyone was, yet again, in the tent. Murtagh was as far as possible from Saphira, who had stuck only her head and neck inside the tent. Thorn was next to her, and Murtagh thought he'd go mad listening to the dragon's admiration for Saphira.

"_Shut up, all right? You sound like Emerald!"_

"_That may be true. But, unlike Emerald, the object of my affection is actually worthy of it! See the light dance on her scales?"_

"_Honestly, you are supposed to be my partner of heart and mind. Why do you make fun of me?"_

"_Because it's entertaining." _

"Everyone ready?" asked Nasuada in a fake, peppy voice.

"Come on! Show some life!"

"Stop rubbing it in our faces that you're the only one not hung over," Arya growled as she put her hands over her sensitive, elven ears.

Nasuada opened the book. "I'll spare you reading," she said.

"Well, aren't you benevolent?" said Orik sarcastically.

_Emerald made a speech thanking the dragons for their gift, "In your wisdom you have bestowed me with wonderful powers, which will make it even easier for me to defeat Gabble! Thank you kindly!"_

"Again with the Gabble?" asked Eragon.

"Even _easier_?" asked Arya.

"Do we _have _to keep reading?" asked Murtagh.

"Stop asking, it changes nothing," said Nasuada.

"Even if I ask _nicely_?" Murtagh asked plaintively.

"For one thing, I doubt you're capable. For another, no." said Nasuada with finality.

"Damn."

_Emerald stepped down to thunderous applause. Then, because it was late— _

"Please no, please no, please no, please—"

"Murtagh, shut up," said Nasuada.

_They retreated to the dragon hold—_

Nasuada flipped through several pages, making a face before a sudden wicked gleam entered her expression.

_Emerald used her newfound super-elven flexibility to bend her leg—_

"SHUT UP, SHUT UP, SHUT UP!" screamed Murtagh who was now clinging to Nasuada's legs in a plead for mercy. Nasuada stopped reading and looked down at the once proud dragon rider. She simply raised her eyebrows.

There was a momentary silence that filled the room. Everyone stared at Murtagh, who paused from his position on the ground where he was holding her legs, and slowly let go, backing up to slide back into his chair.

"Sorry." Nasuada blinked. He actually gave an _apology. _She should have gotten that on a recording or something. Finally, her lips curled into a wicked grin.

"Arya, can elves _actually_-"

Arya put her fingers in her ears and hummed. She had no wish to hear what Emerald thought elves could do. Chuckling to herself, Nasuada continued scanning the pages. After a moment, she found her place and started up again.

_The next morning revealed that Emerald, with her new strength, had actually given Murtagh a few bruises—_

"OH MY GOD!" shrieked Eragon, and doubled over from laughter.

"Can someone kill me? Anyone? As an act of mercy?" asked Murtagh, burying his head in his hands.

"Another hardcore shag with Emmy-darling might do it," said Roran.

"I loathe and despise you," said Murtagh in a monotone.

_Emerald apologized profusely, but Murtagh was understanding._

"NO I'M NOT!"

_Obviously she had to get used to her new strength. _

_They had to leave later that day, but they had the morning in which to walk around and explore Ellesmera. They happened to run into Eragon and Arya in front of Tiadari hall, where Arya was trying to talk up Eragon by trying to play hard-to-get…and failing miserably._

"_And this flower was given to me by my ex…before he died," she said, tearfully._

"_Oh, get over yourself," whispered Emerald to Murtagh. "He probably just broke up with her because she's so whiny."_

"Look who's talking!" yelled Katrina.

_Eragon, however, was totally falling for her. _

_"And that's okay. Arya's not a pretty as me, but she's OK. And she admires me, so she must have SOME brain," Emerald said. "She's not like Nasuada, anyway."_

"_That woman! She actually tried to rip my shirt of and make it look like an accident!" said Murtagh indignantly._

"Oh gods, maybe I'll try to _rip her head off _and make it look like an accident," said Nasuada darkly.

"Okay, you rip her head off, while I run her through with a sword," said Murtagh.

"Deal."

"_Emerald!" called Arya. Emerald waved and tried to look like she cared. Arya started explaining about the hall, and the gardens, and Emerald restrained herself from rolling her eyes. After all, Arya looked up to her. Finally she was able to leave Arya to Eragon, who gazed at her lovingly. She was certain there would be another couple having a good time in the dragonhold tonight!_

Arya and Eragon blushed and looked carefully away from each other.

"Hey Eragon, do you think Arya will bruise you up as well? She _is _an elf," said Murtagh. Eragon glared at him.

"Nah, she'll never to a scene between Arya and me. I'm only cute, remember? I wonder what amazing feats her elven body will perform _tonight__._" Eragon mused.

"Tell me, Eragon, what did I _ever _do to deserve this?" asked Murtagh in his wretched misery.

"Well let's just see shall we?" Eragon began. "You killed Horthgar and many other people. You attempted to kill me, Arya, and many others. You learned black arts of magic, and you _stole my sword__!_" said Eragon

"_Won _your sword," corrected Murtagh.

"Only because you had an unfair advantage."

"Technically, it's mine by right of birth.

"Technically, it was Brom's. He won it fair and square. Then he gave it to me which was his right."

"And I won it from you."

"Mine's still cooler."

"That whole 'bursting into flames' deal is really over done."

"If we're talking style, your dragon's name is a terrible pun!"

"And you just copied your dad's dragon's name!"

Jarsha, the Varden's number one messenger boy, poked a head in the tent.

"Lady Nasuada, King Orrin wishes—what's going on?"

"The riders are arguing about their swords," said Angela demurely.

Snorts filled the room, and everyone carefully looked away from the herbalist.

"What does Orrin want?" asked Nasuada tiredly. She'd explained about _The Book_, and he sure as hell hadn't offered to help. Therefore, her patience with Surda's king was limited.

"He wants to see you to discuss something—namely the security of the Varden if Inherigirl is on the loose."

"He'll have to wait. I have more important things to attend to, such as-" Nasuada was cut off by Eragon's shout.

"AND YOU RAN AWAY! _Clear _defeat!"

"YOU WOULD HAVE BEEN DEAD HAD I NOT USED MY LOOPHOLE AT THE BURNING PLAINS!" Murtagh yelled.

"That was a totally unbalanced battle! Had you not had Eldunarya, I could have crushed you!"

"As _if!_ You _jumped off your dragon_ in the battle under Farthen Dur. You're the biggest idiot I ever met," said Murtagh derisively.

"Yeah well—our mother liked me best!"

"MOTHER LEFT ME IN URU'BAEN BECAUSE SHE HAD NO OTHER CHOICE!"

"Yeah…or she liked me better."  
>"Why you insolent little—" sputtered Murtagh.<p>

Jarsha looked scandalized. He'd been told to expect horrors inside the tent. The rumor around the Varden was that _The Book_ was the heart of all evil. Instead, the two dragon riders were arguing like he and his brother sometimes did.

"It's just a little sibling rivalry," said Arya to the aghast messenger.

"You want to stay?" she asked.

"NO!" yelled everyone in the room.

"I wasn't talking to you," she said scathingly. She turned back to Jarsha.

"We could use another reader."

"Arya! He's far too young to be reading this!" said Nasauda. "Would you corrupt a child?"

"He's not that young, and I sure as hell am not reading again. Would you like to continue?"

"Good point. Here," Nasuada chucked the book at Jarsha, who, looking a little frightened, took his seat.

"Eragon, Murtagh, will you shut up, or do I have to read one of the _adult _scenes again?" asked Nasuada.

Immediately, both riders clamped their mouths shut and sat back in their chairs, the epitome of decorum.

"Jarsha, if you ever come to an, _ahem_, 'questionable' passage, skip it. The spell on the book seems to count it as reading, and we're all scarred enough," directed Roran.

"And be warned: this book contains horrors," added Angela.

"You'll never be the same," put in Katrina.

Jarsha's eyebrows were raised, and his eyes were open wide with fright. After a war, he hadn't thought much could scare him. But a book that terrified dragon riders? He regretted coming anywhere near this tent…

"Enough scaring the fresh meat," said Murtagh. "Let him read."

_The moonlight fell over Emerald. She broke the silence by asking Murtagh "How did you change your true name?"_

"_By thinking of you. Thinking of how for once in my life I would put someone before myself, would die for someone. You give me hope that there is still good in the world. All of those came together and freed me, Love has set me free!"_

"Once again. I DO NOT LOVE THAT LITTLE COCKROACH!" yelled Murtagh.

Jarsha looked around, trembling in his seat.

"Erm…carry on," said Murtagh in a more normal tone of voice.

_Emerald kissed him. _"How sweet!" _she thought._

"Of all the many words used to describe you, 'sweet' is not one I would pick," commented Angela.

"Because you're _sane_," muttered Murtagh.

"Hey, speak up. I can't here you when you _murmur_ like that," said Eragon slyly.

"Can I kill him? Please?" asked Murtagh.

"No," said Nasuada and nodded to Jarsha to continue reading.

_Then, even though they were both still tired from the travel, Emerald beckoned Murtagh sultrily behind a nearby tall and wide bush—_

Jarsha's eyes widened.

"Um…Lady Nasuada, can I skip this p-part?"

"Please do," said Nasuada warily.

The poor boy flipped pages wildly, looking more disgusted by the second.

_The next day, Emerald and "_More-u-tog?" asked Jarsha, puzzled.

"She's attempting to spell my name," said Murtagh tiredly. "I guess her editor didn't catch that one."

"Right. Well uh, I'll just keep going,"

—_Had to leave the beautiful forest. Emerald was sorry to go, but Murtagh promised her they would come back after the war. The elves were sad to see Emerald go. They disliked being deprived of her beauty, but understood she must save Alagaesia. Another day's traveling—_

"_No _concept of time and space," said Arya.

"And after that _utterly pointless_ trip, I imagine she's going to take Dras'leona. Wonder if she'll save you from another 'mere solider', Murtagh?" said Roran.

"I wouldn't be surprised. Maybe it'll be a kitten attacking me this time," said Murtagh.

"A tiny, fuzzy kitten!" said Katrina.

"Yeah, I can see it now. Save me Emmy-darling! Save me from the terrifying kitten! And then we'll shag the night away!"

"_After_ you make a speech honoring her!"

"Is it possible that you're becoming numb to the torture?" asked Nasuada.

"Maybe," said Murtagh. "Or it's possible I can be sarcastic about anything. One or the other." Then as he realized what he was saying, and the mental images of what that reality would entail, Murtagh turned a deep, pale green, and nearly gave up his lunch.

_They reached the Varden. As Thorn and Sarra wheeled above the camp, cheers rang out. Nasuada, though she still was jealous of Emerald,_ _greeted them as pleasantly as she was able._ _Then, Emerald single-handedly came up with a strategy to siege Dras'leona. _

"_Shouldn't be too hard. The ra'zac are gone, I killed them on my way to the Varden. There might be some magicians though. Maybe I'll actually have a challenge," she said. _

"She did not kill the ra'zac! Eragon ShadeSlayer and Roran Stronghammer did!" said Jarsha indignantly.  
>"Emerald has a problem with taking credit for other people's achievements," said Elva dryly.<p>

Jarsha jumped at her voice.

"Aw, don't be scared. I'm a completely harmless witch-child," said Elva.

"Not harmless when you bring out that guitar," said Orik.

_And so, they set off for Dras'leona, all happy to have Emerald back and in awe of her greatness. _

_**Hay guyz! Sooo what'd u think? Kinda a filler chap but lemme kno wht u think…I've gotta go, I have a new plan for stalking Garrett Hedlund! Review, peepz!**_

"So many questions…" muttered Jarsha.

"C'mon guys. Let's get some air," said Arya. Everyone walked out of the tent. They knew they'd have to return…but for now, they were free!

**Disclaimer: Evanescence2189 and Witchy Pixie do not condone child abuse in anyway. Forcing kids to read Suefics is wrong. Don't try it at home…bye. **


	14. Chapter 13: Geeky Lost World Quote

_~The Marvelous Adventures of a Marysue: IC~_

Chapter Thirteen - "The Rumors of My Death Have Been Widely Exaggerated"

"So! Everyone ready to watch Emerald save Murtagh again?" asked Elva happily.

"Shut up, witch-brat," grumbled the Red Rider, settling into his chair with a glare already etched on his features.

"Do you _ever _change facial expressions? Like, besides angry, bored, and tortured?" asked Katrina.

Murtagh crossed him arms and shook his hair in front of his face. "Yes. I also have miserable, annoyed, humiliated, regretful, and pained."

"C'mon. You can manage a smile," encouraged Angela.

"No."

"Give it a go!" said Katrina.

"I said no."

"One _tiny _smile?"

"Negative."

"It's not that hard."

"Absolutely not."

"Seriously. Everyone smiles!"

"Everyone except me."

"You're a real downer, you know that?"

"Yes."

"You just can't do it."

"Let me ask you this? Have I had any _reason _to smile for, oh, my entire LIFE?" asked Murtagh.

"Oh, stop being such a drama queen. Your mother ditched you, your father used you for target practice, everyone hates you, you were Galbatorix's slave, and you were forced to kill people. We've heard the spiel quite a few times. Who wants to read?" said Nasuada briskly.

"You're all a load of unsympathetic sadists," said Murtagh. "And…I hate you all," he added as an afterthought.

"We've heard. Give it here," said Arya, gesturing to the book.

Nasuada tossed it to her, and Arya began to read.

_They were to siege Dras'leona that day. Eragon and Murtagh were nervous, but Emerald knew it would be no challenge. She just had to remember to watch out for Eragon. He was too cuuuute to die! __***insert high pitched giggle-fit here***_

Murtagh began laughing so hard it looked like he was in danger of dying.

"See! I knew you could smile!" exclaimed Angela.

"Don't kill me! I'm to _cuuuute__!_" shouted Roran.

"Oh, now you're on _his _side," said Eragon darkly.

"Nope. I'm not. I just like to watch you suffer," replied Roran airily.

"_My love, should I not live to see the end of the battle, know that you are my world. I love you with all my heart and soul and I dedicate all I do today to you!" Murtagh said to Emerald as they were saddling up the dragons. They shared a passionate kiss, wishing each other luck. _

Eragon started to say something, but Murtagh cut him off.

"Not one word. You hear me? _Not one word_," he said, punctuating the last few words with a menacing whisper.

_The dragons flew above the army, amid cheers. With renewed energy, the soldiers began breaking down the gate to the city. Emerald let loose a primal, yet elegant war cry as Sarra torched a row of buldings._

"Again with the war cry…and torching?" asked Eragon.

"You should talk. You named your sword _Brisingr _for cripes sake!" said Murtagh.

"_My little pyro!" thought Murtagh affectionately. _

No one said anything. Everyone was too speechless with the idiocy.

_Emerald was killing powerful magicians left and right. Murtagh was competing with her. __**(**__**Like Legolas [the hawtie!1, leik, omigod] and gimili! –inherigirl**_

_Eragon was gamely keeping up, and even Arya had managed a few soldiers. Nasuada was hiding in her tent._

"_Hi-YAH!" shouted Emerald, and Murtagh almost had his head sliced off while he was smiling at her enchanting ferocity._

"Seriously? _Seriously_?" asked Murtagh.

_Sarra swooped majestically in the sky. Her brilliant emerald green was complimented by thorn's ruby red and Saphira's sapphire blue. _

"_Oh, so we _compliment _her. What an _honor_!" _said Saphira.

_Suddenly, as Emerald was in the process of killing three magicians at once, she heard a yell for help. It was Murtagh!_

_Emerald dashed with superhuman speed to her beloved's side. She cradled him in her arms, fear coursing through her._

"_My love! Be all right! Please be all right, Murr-Murr!"_

"_I…am fading," he said weakly._

"_No!" she whispered._

"_I…love you. Forever." His words became more labored. "You made me become a better man. Do not...weep for me. I…could not stand to think I would have caused you pain."_

"_Stay with me! It's not fair, we have had so little together!" said Emerald, beginning to cry._

"_Every moment…was a gift."_

"_I love you!"_

"_And I…love you." Murtagh's eyes closed._

_And so, Murtagh Morzansson died in the arms of his beloved._

Even the fluff didn't dissuade Murtagh. He leapt up and began doing the happy dance.

"I'm dead! I'm dead! She can't love me anymore! Whoo-hoo! Whoo-hoo! I'm dead!"

Everyone was still in danger of passing out from laughter. Murtagh didn't care. This was the best day he'd had in a _loooong _time, which was sad and depressing enough statement in and of itself.

"Why didn't she heal him?" asked Orik. 'She's a powerful rider, as we're constantly reminded."

"ONE magician killed Murtagh? No way," said Nasuada reasonably.

"I'm _DEAD_! YAHOO!"

Arya righted herself and began reading again.

_Eragon rushed over. Emerald was sobbing. The Blue Rider shied away, afraid to intrude on her grief. _

"And everyone around her just…stops fighting?" asked Nasuada incredulously.

"SHE'LL NEVER CATCH ME AGAIN!" yelled Murtagh, still euphoric.

_Suddenly, Eragon gasped. Emerald's tears were freely falling on Murtagh's torso. His wounds were closing and the tears were shimmering. In a few moments, Murtagh's eyes fluttered open._

"Noooooooo! DAMN IT!" shouted Murtagh, abruptly ceasing the happy dance and sitting back down, emo glare returning almost instantaneously.

"_My love! You saved me! But…how?" he asked in wonder._

"_I-I don't know!" Emerald's tears had turned to those of relief._

"_It must be the powers the ancient dragons gave you!" he said, and then pulled her into an ardent embrace. _

"Nooo! Whyyyyyy meeee?"

"Murtagh, shut up," said Nasuada.

_Finally, after a few minutes of kissing, they broke apart._

"_I was so afraid I had lost you!" Emerald whispered._

"_But you did not."_

"Eloquent, Murtagh," said Angela dryly.

"Shut up."

"_Come! Let us go and siege the city, and then you shall give me a welcome back!" *suggestive eyebrow waggle*_

"Show me that eyebrow waggle, Murtagh!" said Arya. Murtagh just gave the elf a murderous glance in response.

"_Just because you died doesn't mean you get any special treatment!" laughed Emerald. Then they leapt back upon the dragons and continued kicking ass._

"_Question:" _said Thorn, "_Where was I during this? My rider died and NOTHING about me was mentioned?'_

"Yup, that's about right," said Eragon.

_After they took the city, mostly through Emerald and Murtagh's heroic actions, though Eragon helped, There was a huge feast in celebration. Everyone noticed that the Ra'zac were gone, and Emerald modestly demurred 'It was nothing."_

_Then, the party began! Murtagh stood up and toasted Emerald again._

"Not again! Not again!" whimpered Murtagh.

"_Emerald saved my life today!"_

"Captain Obvious," muttered Arya._  
>"But Emerald has saved me before! She brought me out of the darkness of Uru'baen with her love! It is only because of her I stand here today. She is the light of my life, as I have said multipul times before, but I must say it again. Without my beloved by my side withstanding at all trials, I would be nothing. She has made me a better man capable of feeling. For that, I owe her my life and my infinite devotion, which I will give till the day I die." <em>

_Murtagh's speech brought tears to Emerald's eyes. Then they had to sit through Eragon making a speech about the progress of the war, and then everyone was cheerfully tipsy (except Nasuada, she was passed out drunk, she had attempt to do a striptease on the table in front of Murtagh)._

Nasuada's stare became positively venomous. She began fingering the dagger again. Orik, who was sitting next to her, inched away.

"So, before this I was a heartless murderer. Lovely," muttered Murtagh broodingly.

**Find the Lost World (Sequel to Jurassic Park) reference (it's kind of obvious to those who have read the book)! **

**And review. Definitely review…peepz. **


	15. Chapter 14: Complicating the Family Tree

_~The Marvelous Adventures of a Marysue: Inheritance Cycle~_

Chapter 14: The Family Tree Gets another Branch

"So…after Nasuada's little dance, what happened?" asked Murtagh dryly. He had very little sympathy for the rebel leader. It was her fault they were reading in the first place. Well, and Elva's for bringing the book…and Galbatorix's for bringing it to Alagaesia from whatever depths of hell Inherigirl was from. And Inherigirl's of course, simply for being evil enough to write this rubbish.

…And his. For being born and inspiring this story. As always, the world would have been better off if he hadn't been born. Typical.

Angela interrupted the red rider's emo musings but clearing her throat loudly.

"Shall I read, or shall we all continue to sit here glaring at each other and mentally willing the person next to us to take the book?"

"Hey! I was going to see how long they'd all sit there," said Elva. "I bet half an hour against Solembum, who bet fifteen minutes, and now I have to pay him back!"

"Didn't you read our minds?" asked Murtagh, interestedly.

"No, what fun's gambling if you know?"

"You're two years old…and you gamble?"

"I also curse and laugh at others' misfortune."

Angela cleared her throat again, even more ceremonially.

_The Varden was marching toward Uru'baen to take on the king. Emeraldand Murtagh rode in front on beautiful horses. Tornac, Murtagh's chestnut stallion—_

"TORNAC IS GRAY!" shrieked Murtagh.

_Looked great next to Emerald magnificent white stallion, Diamond. _

"Emerald and Diamond. How _clever_," said Arya icily.

"Where am I?" asked Eragon.

_Eragon was riding in back behind Emerald and Murtagh, with his cousin Roran. It looked a lot better to have the best-looking people in front._

"Sometimes, it's better not to have your questions answered," said Angela wisely.

"Anyone else find that 'riding behind Murtagh and Emerald' the slightest bit suggestive?" asked Elva with an evil smile.

Then there was a pause where everyone pummeled the witch-child.

Eragon clawed at his eyes, hoping to erase the mental images.

"Evil…small…child…" said Murtagh in a terrifying voice.

Elva nodded happily.

_They soon came to near the end of their journey, only having to stop at a marketplace for supplies undetected, and then into the palace to take on Gabble. _("Again with the Gabble?" "Shut up, Murtagh.") _Thorn, Sarra, and Saphira took to the skies, leading the rest of the army into a different route, and would meet the rest of them in their designated meeting location. But for now, Murtagh, Emerald, Eragon, and Arya traveled through the bustling merchants, people haggling for a lower price on items, and the noise of the animals in their pens and various enclosures._

"_A pretty necklace for a pretty girl?" a hooded figure said as she approached the group. Emerald noticed that in her hand were some shiny chains of pearls, beaded jade, aquamarine stones, and…emeralds! But…the woman (she could clearly tell by the sound of the voice that the hooded figure was a woman) didn't say beautiful, at the very least…Emerald was way more than just "pretty."_

"_Excuse me, forgive me. I see now that radiant is more fit a description for one such as stunning as you, my Lady." That…was much better. Emerald shoved Arya to the side when the other puny girl thought that the "hooded figure" was talking to her, and further examined the necklaces hanging from the woman's hand. _

Arya said nothing, only glared murderously at whoever let out the semblance of a snigger.

"_Hmmm, do you have anything else?" Emerald asked, displaying the appearance of not being impressed with what the woman offered. _

"_Yes, yes of course. If you would please follow me," she said with a slight curl on the corner of her lips. Emerald couldn't explain it, but she got the feeling that she knew this person somehow. So, despite her better judgement, she decided to follow the mystery woman, beconning everyone else to do so as well. _

'_I don't know if we should be following a strange old woman, but if Emerald thinks it's safe, then I guess it's alright,' thought Murtagh._

"Oh yes, I just abandon all my common sense to follow some stranger. _That's_ probable," muttered Murtagh.

_Eragon and Arya weren't about to disagree with both Emerald _and _Murtagh, so they just followed along, kinda like dogs. But anyway, the four were led through a hidden alley into a hidden door into a hidden room. _

"A little redundant, isn't she?" Angela mused.

"No shit," agreed Elva.

"Hence the cursing?" asked Eragon with a smirk. Elva just gave him a long look and a raised eyebrow as if to say, "you want to keep your eyeballs inside your head?" Eragon decidedly looked away, and on an afterthought, inched his chair away from the strange…erm…woman…child…

"_Now, I have many selections. Just browse what you would like," the woman said, taking a seat. When the four were browsing, they suddenly heard a click. All of them turned around, Emerald and Murtagh being the first to react, and saw the woman had locked the door. Emerald was immediately on the defensive, and was about to demand answers when the strange woman beat her to it._

"_Relax, I'm not looking for a fight. I wanted to get you alone here so that I could tell you who I really am…" This got everyone's attention, and they were silent, waiting for her to continue._

"_Emerald." Emerald looked up sharply, inwardly wondering how the woman knew her name. Then the mystery person took their hood off, revealing a young, strickingly beautiful looking woman Arya (surprisingly) immediately recognized. _

"_Wryda, Emerald's mother?"_

"Well…that was unexpected," said Arya.

"Het mother's name is _Fate_?" asked Eragon in disbelief.

"_Yes child, it is me." On further inspection, Emerald could see that the other woman had delicately pointed ears, like Arya and herself. _

"_You're an elf."_

"_Yes, I am."_

"_I thought you were dead."_

"_That's what your father told you."_

"_What happened to you then? He never mentioned you…"_

"_I was the daughter of…a noble, and was stolen from my home by Galbatorix when I wandered to far from the safety of the city in which I was born and raised. Once you were born, he shipped me off to the slave trade. Luckily I escaped and traveled back to Ellesmera. I've been waiting for the right time to come and find you, and help you, if I can."_

"_Wait, if even Arya knows you…you said you were the daughter of a noble. Who is your mother?" Emerald asked._

"_If I remember correctly, aren't you my aunt?" Arya asked, slightly dazed. Wryda sighed, inwardly shaking her head at her spacecase of a niece. _

"_Yes, I am your aunt, being that your mother is my sister, and her predecessor, was your grandmother, Emerald." _

"Th-that's not possible! How can I be related to that BITCH?" screeched Arya, knocking over her chair with the force of how fast she stood. Many of the occupants in the room inched back from the elf's wrath.

"You know she's only a fictional character? It's…*gulp* not real," said Eragon, clearly asking for a death wish. As to be expected, Arya saw red, and flung the chair she was previously sitting on at the Blue Rider's head…direct hit.

"_So…why didn't you come back and take me from Gabble, instead of saving yourself?" Emerald asked sharply. Wryda's expression became slightly strained._

"_I didn't have the power. While I lived in the palace, your father stripped me of my powers with a brace. I was still very weak, even after I was able to cut it off. To have gone back for you would have been suicide, and then how would I help you?" Emerald thought about it, and forgave her, seeing her mother's reasoning. Then, she hugged Wryda before wiping the joyful tears from her face at finally meeting her mother. _

"_Now…how are you going to help us?" Murtagh asked when the two women were finished with their happy reunion. _

"_Well, I have a plan…"_

"End chapter…"

"Thank the gods, I couldn't take much more of that shit," muttered Roran. Katrina smacked him on the back of his head, much to Roran's chagrin.

"Language."

"I don't think Elva could've taken much more of it either…" Murtagh whispered to Nasuada, who sniggered at the still beet red Arya…Eragon was still passed out on the floor.

"Well, that's it for the night. Tomorrow, the storming of the palace," Angela said cheerily. Soon the room was vacated, except for one Blue Rider…

**YAY! E2189 here, and another chapter finished. It's getting closer to the end here folks. Next they take the fight to Galbatorix! Drop a review before you leave, would you? It's much appreciated. :D **

**-E2189 and Witchy Pixie**


	16. Chapter 15: Parenticide

_~The Marvelous Adventures of a Marysue: IC~_

Chapter 15: Parenticide

Eragon woke up alone in the tent. He shook his head, clearing his vision.

"_All my friends abandon me…how nice_," he said to Saphira.

"_You sound like Murtagh," _she replied.

Eragon did not distain to respond. He made his way out of the tent. It was late afternoon. He wasn't sure the total of days they'd been reading. It all ran together into a horrific blur. Suddenly, something caught his attention. Nasuada was standing up on a platform, addressing what appeared to be the entire Varden. Murtagh and Arya were standing next to her. Eragon felt slightly resentful he hadn't been called up. Nasuada was shouting something.

"AND WE SHALL VANQUISH INHERIGIRL! She is nothing to Galbatorix! Soon the land shall be rid of two pestilences!"

"SHE SHALL PAY FOR HER CRIMES!" yelled Murtagh, looking quite insane.

There was an answering war cry from the soldiers. Eragon scanned the crowd and found his cousin. He made his way through the groups so he could get close enough to be heard.

"What's going on?"

"Nasuada just alerted the Varden to the threat of Inherigirl. We're going to start moving back to Surda tomorrow."

"Great. We're almost done with the book. Ah well."

"Wishful thinker."

The next day was the best one a certain emo rider had had in a long time. Besides some boring travel, Murtagh was overjoyed because he had found Tornac again. The horse had made it through the war, and there had been a cute reunion scene between dragon rider and horse. Murtagh seemed to feel he had another ally. Besides which, any day he wasn't being maligned by Inherigirl was a _good _day! In the evening, he was hanging out where all the horses were picketed when the collective banes of his existence appeared to drag him back to the tent of evil.

"Hey, is it just a trick of the light or are you _smiling_?" asked Elva, glancing over at Murtagh.

"The first one," said Murtagh, emo glare returning.

"I think you smiled."

"You are mistaken." Murtagh shook his hair in front of his face.

"Hey guys! Guess what! Murtagh _smiled_!" yelled Elva over her shoulder.

"No way! I wish I could have seen it, I would have made a fairth!" called Eragon.

"_I hate them all, Thorn._" Murtagh thought.

"_I pity you,_" thought Thorn.

Back in the tent, everyone assembled.

"Ready everyone?" asked Arya, the one who had drawn the short straw. "Remember, it's been quite a while since we has a questionable scene! There's probably one _right _around the corner."

"Elf, I am highly crazy right now. Keep up the obnoxiousness and I may just conveniently mistake you for Inherigirl and rip your head off."

"Right then, let's start."

_The next day, they reached the gates of Uru'baen._

"Time and space...there is none in Inherigirl-world," said Angela.

"_Let us pass!" shouted Emerald, and the guards did so. Then, they made their way through the city. A few soldiers challenged them, but Emerald and Murtagh made short work of them…mostly Emerald though. Even Murtagh was a bit more inclined to stare at her ethereal radiance._

"Not me, of course. Never me," said Eragon bitterly. "Not unless I'm _cute_."

"But you're _so _cute," said Elva wickedly.

"Remind me again why I removed your curse?"

_When, suddenly, Shruikan rose above the castle. He roared, and Emerald's stomach lurched. Here was her father. And she had to kill him. _

"None of us are even helping, are we?" asked Eragon.

"No…well maybe Murtagh will," replied Arya.

"No, I'll be too busy fighting off the kitten, remember?" said Murtagh acidly.

_Emerald looked at her beloved. Murtagh—sexy black-haired muscle man, mysterious and ruggedly handsome with a sense of darkness clinging to him, yet a reluctance, as if he hated himself for being a monster. But Emerald loved him for his conflicting nature, it made her want to hug him and kiss away all the heartbreak her beloved had to suffer._

"I'm NOT A MONSTER!" shouted Murtagh over the uproarious laughter.

"Coulda fooled me," mumbled Eragon between laughs.

"What's wrong with being a monster?" asked Angela. "RAWR!"

"You're…not helping," said Murtagh.

"Poor you! Reluctance, conflicting nature…being hugged and kissed by Emerald…" said Roran.

"…I hate you all. Really, I do—from the bottom of my heart."

"I know. Shut up," said Nasuada.

_Emerald let loose a fierce yet lovely war cry. The three dragons surged into the sky, their scales glittering like gems. The majesty of the dragons was breathtakingly awe-inspiring. _

"'Breathtakingly awe-inspiring'? That's a new one," mused Angela.

"Nah, she said the same thing during one of the adult chapters. She was referring to—" began Elva.

Arya threw the book at Elva. It hit with deadly elven accuracy and bounced of Elva's head. Shining Brow swore and picked up the book and began reading in a bored monotone.

"_Come and get me!" taunted Emerald._

"How mature," Arya said scathingly.

_Shruikan roared and let loose a jet of flame, and Thorn swooped away just in time. _

_Emerald, angry that anyone would attack the love of her life, sent a ball of magical power at Galbatorix, almost knocking him off Shruikan._

"It's a war. Of course he's attacking me! What does she expect, him to invite us to tea?" asked Murtagh.

"He would have had wards that would have made that impossi—oh never mind," said Nasuada.

"So you admit you're the 'love of her life'?" asked Eragon. There are no words for the look of death's incarnate that appeared on Murtagh's face as his only reply to his half-brother. Eragon, winced, and subtly shifted his chair away…

_Sarra roared and sent a neat jet of flame at Galbatorix. It just missed as Skruikan swerved, and Galbatorix's mental attack began. He concentrated mostly on Emerald, as she was the highest threat, but her mental walls held out. He used memories from her childhood to try to get her to crack, but she did not._

_Eragon and Murtagh backed her up._

_Sarra's talent for flying really showed as they battled. He was agile, yet powerful. Finally, Shruikan attacked and sent Sarra into a spin. Emerald was forced to dismount._

*snigger snigger*

*murderous glance from Murtagh*

*silence*

_And leap off onto one of the towers of the castle. She observed the battle below. Varden and empire soldiers were battling in the streets, fire and chaos engulfing the city._  
>"And Galbatorix isn't torching her…why?"<p>

"Murtagh! Stop thinking logically! You know it makes Inherigirl angry!" said Arya, sarcasm practically oozing out every pore.

_Galbatorix jumped of Shruikan, knowing he had to battle Emerald on the ground. Eragon and Murtagh hung back. This was Emerald's fight, and they respected that. Murtagh stared, willing her to be all right. "Please, my love. Please be safe," he prayed._

"_You traitor!" shouted the king. "You are my flesh and blood and you desert me to fight for some puny rebel force?"_

"_Yes!" shouted Emerald definantly. "You are an evil tyrant, and I hate you!"_

"What a positively _stinging _retort," said Nasuada.

"'Definantly?' Learn how to spell, imbecile," muttered Arya.

_Galbatorix was left speechless at Emerald's stinging retort._

"Seriously?" asked Murtagh in disbelief.

_He attacked Emerald with his sword._

*snigger snigger*

"All right, who's doing that?" yelled Elva.

_But Emerald's fighting skills were formidable. They danced a deadly, dance. Emerald channeled all her rage from her childhood into her fighting. His fits of rage, his treating her like a delicate princess, all the atrocities she'd seen, the fact that she'd never known her mother, and his enslavement of Murtagh all welled up inside with an almost feral rage._

"Feral's the word, all right. She's a total animal. Especially with her…erm…desires," muttered Eragon.

_Emerald was just about to strike the final blow, when the king, with a low blow, tripped her. She fell to the ground. The king raised his sword. He was about to kill his own daughter._

"_Emerald!" screamed Murtagh._

"STAB HER! STAB HER! STAB HER!" shouted Murtagh, in a frenzy of terrifying excitement.

"DIE, FOUL BEAST!" screamed Nasuada.

She and Murtagh leapt up and began waltzing around the tent.

"Are you done?" asked Arya. "You do _realize _she will never die?"

"Oh, stop being such a pessimist," said Murtagh lightly.

"That's a bit rich coming from you," muttered the elf.

"Were you two seriously _dancing _together?" asked Elva.

"Um…no," said Nasuada.

"Not at all," said Murtagh.

"Of course you weren't," said Elva raising her eyebrows.

_Suddenly, Emerald's mother leapt in front of the blade._

"_No!" shouted Emerald. The sword went through Wryda's heart. _

"_Mother!" _

"_Kill him…my beautiful daughter. I know you can," _

"_But you—"_

"_I have given you to the world…my job is done," whispered Wyrda._

_Emerald's crystal tears poured down her cheeks as her mother's eyes closed._

"And Galbatorix is just having a quick rest while she has her heartfelt conversation," said Murtagh dryly.

"Yup. It's only polite," said Arya.

_Rage poured through Emerald and she leapt up screamed _Brisingr! _Her sword lit up._

*snigger snigger*

"STOP IT!"

_With flames. "THAT'S FOR MY CHILDHOOD!" shrieked Emerald and stabbed him through the heart. She then proceeded to cut off his head and slice his body into itty bitty pieces until they were paste._

"Eww, a bit overkill much?" said Elva with a wrinkle of her nose.

"It is the Sue's way. Why do we question it anymore?" Angela replied.

_And then the cheering began. _

_Everyone chanted Emerald's name. As the sun sank in a glorious sun set, Thorn landed and Murtagh ran over to Emerald and embraced her, kissing her ardently. _

"_My love…my love you saved us all!" he said, gazing lovingly into her eyes._

"Not one word, you pestilences, not one word," said Murtagh, glancing murderously around the room.

_The sunset made the two lovers look as if they were on fire but not burning. They appeared godlike. They looked strong and powerful as they surveyed the city that they had just won. And the people cheered._

"End chapter!" yelled Arya.

Everyone fairly bolted from their seats.


	17. Chapter 16: The Biggest Horror Yet

_~The Marvelous Adventures of a Marysue: IC~_

**Warning: This chapter gets a little…heated. No one on here is mentally innocent though, so just hide the nuns and small children. Could be considered high T, low M. **

Chapter 16: The Biggest Horror Yet

"So, where were we?" asked Nasuada, as everyone gathered round.

"At the END! We finished, remember?"

"Nice try, Murtagh."

"…Damn it."

"Hehe, finished…" muttered Elva.

"Keep being such a perverted child and you're reading the victory sex scene," said Nasuada sternly.

Nasuada cleared her throat and began reading.

_After a few moments of cheering, Eragon and Arya appeared, follow by Nasuada._

"_Trust her to come out when the coast is clear," scoffed Sarra. _

"_We must bury the body," said Eragon._

"_No, we will burn it!" cried Murtagh._

"That's…scary," said Arya.

"I _did not _say it," growled Murtagh. "_Although it's the fate I'd like to give that…can't really call her a writer…_" he thought darkly.

"_Calm yourself, Murtagh. We are not barbarians," said Emerald smoothly. "Galbatorix will be given a decent burial."_

"_As always, you are right," said Murtagh._

"_Not me, not me, not me, not me," _Murtagh mentally chanted.

"Not barbarians, hmm? That's debatable," said Arya.

_And so they buried the king's body, and Emerald cried. Chrystal tears spilled down her perfect face. Her father and mother were both dead. Murtagh held her and she sobbed._

"How sweet!" said Angela.

"Hate you."

"I know."

_It was agreed that all would stay at the castle that night and there would be a ceremony the next day. Murtagh carried Emerald—_

Nasuada had to stop reading, she was laughing so hard. Arya, with distaste for her task resonating from her being, took the book from the rebel leader's lap and opened it, looking as if she was holding a snake. Well maybe even worse than that. Elves like snakes, because they like all animals, because they're perfect. Ahem. Moving on…

_Back to their old room—_

"Suddenly it's 'theirs'? It was mine to begin with," said Murtagh. "But it fits, as Emerald now owns everything about me…"

_Where—_

"OK, stop," said Nasuada.

"Oh no," said Arya, with a maniac glint in her eye. "No, we're reading this all the way through. I'm tired of being vanquished by a mere book!" The elf gritted her teeth. "And no one's leaving, either!"

Murtagh cowered.

_They began to kiss passionately. Emerald moaned softy as Murtagh pressed her into the wall._

"Oh God, you're not serious?" asked Katrina, blushing.

"Oh yes I am," muttered Arya grimly.

_The kiss became deeper, as they teased each other with their tongues, and wrapped around each other even closer._

_He slipped her sleeves down, baring her perfectly angular shoulders._

"How in the hell are shoulders perfectly angular?" asked Eragon.

"This is Emerald, remember?" said Elva.

_He slipped her shirt over her head, and her perfect torso shone in the moonlight. She was slim, and her stomach was flat. Though thin, her body was muscular, and she still managed to be curvaceous. Her breasts were ample and perfectly rounded, soft as sunlight and warm as fire._

"Make it stop…make it stop!" cried Elva, no longer nonchalant about the horrors.

Murtagh was quivering on the floor, muttering "_Kill the elf…kill the elf…" _

_Emerald was a true goddess. She leaned her head back, and Murtagh kissed her neck, causing her to gasp. Her hair, black as midnight, spilled luxuriously down her back, and Murtagh inhaled it. It smelled like roses, coated with dew on a summer's morning._

_Her pale skin was flawless, without a single blemish._

"_You're…ethereal in the moonlight," he whispered._

"DEMONS ABOVE AND BELOW! STOP IT!" yelled Murtagh, twitching violently. Arya shook her head, face stiff with grim determination.

_Her eyes, slanted like a cat's opened wide and she gasped with pleasure. Running his hands lightly down her sides and feeling her curves, Murtagh reached the top of her leggings._

"ARYA! STOP! YOU'VE GONE MAD!" yelled Eragon.

Nasuada was covering her ears and wincing at every description.

Orik fingered his axe and muttered something about "damn elves".

Elva and Solembum were clutching each other for dear life.

Angela stared at the side of the tent in open-mouthed horror.

Murtagh remained on the floor, twitching and muttering "It's not real…kill the elf…it's not real…kill the elf…it's not real…"

"_Not yet…not very fair that I'm half naked and you're fully clothed," purred Emerald._

"ACK!" shrieked Murtagh. "MERCY, YOU EVIL ELF, MERCY!"

_Emerald slipped a hand under his shirt, _

"MERCY, I SAY! NOTHING I HAVE DONE DESERVES ME THIS!"

_And pulled it off, displaying her lover's body. While not as perfect as Emerald, he had a rugged handsomeness that caused the princess's heart to leap. She pressed herself to him, and allowed him to lift her. She wrapped her legs around Murtagh's waist, feeling totally secure in the embrace._

"Arya! Stop this madness!" shouted Nasuada, but the elf plowed on.

_His dark eyes bored into her brilliant green ones, alit with desire. He brought her over to the bed and lay her down, leaning over her. "I love you," he whispered._

_**A/N: Leik, fade 2 black! ;P Luv, Inherigirl101**_

Arya was about to slap the book closed when she noticed that there was one more scene. She looked up and noticed that the occupants of the room were inching towards the exit, horror stricken with the life-scarring words of evil.

"WAIT!" she shouted to everyone's annoyance and trepidation.

"There is one more paragraph."

Insert dramatic horror music here.

Everyone shifted their eyes to one another nervously, bracing themselves for impact. Murtagh was shaking.

_Morning came, bathing the two lovers in an orange glow of light. Murtagh blinked his eyes sleepily as a gentle ray of light hit his eyes. He tried to bring up a hand to rub the sleep from his eyes, but realized it was tangled among his beloved's thick, ebony tresses that shone like fire in the sun. He smiled as he watched the steady rise and fall of her chest, but became distracted as his eyes traveled lower. Tears came to his eyes as he realized how lucky he truly was to have her here, by his side. '_I am not worthy.'_ His thoughts were disrupted by a hand as soft as velvet that gently touched his cheek. He looked down into piercing green eyes, and stared deep into their depths._

"_What troubles you, my love?" Murtagh looked away, though he was loath to do it._

"_I'm afraid I do not deserve you," he replied softly before tucking a strand of hair behind her ear._

"No…NO ONE deserves someone as evil as you," said Eragon.

"_Never say that, ever. You understand?" Emerald cupped Murtagh's face with her hands, shaking him slightly so that he would get her point._

"_But—" Murtagh started. But Emerald didn't give him a chance to finish, as she pressed her lips ardently to his. When air became the ultimate necessity, they parted, gasping._

"_You, and only you are worthy of my love," said Emerald passionately. Murtagh finally gave a true smile, one of complete and utter happiness that only his true love could induce. He rolled them so that he was above her once more._

"_Let me show you how much I am worthy." _

Murtagh twitched one more time. Then everyone bolted for the door. There were sounds of retching from outside, and Arya blinked.

'_That was…painful. But at least I've proved I'm stronger than a book!'_

Outside, Angela was taking deep, cleansing breaths. Elva and Solembum had disappeared, as had Roran and Katrina. Nasuada had her arms wrapped around Murtagh as he revealed the contents of his breakfast, lunch, dinner, and breakfast to come.

"It's all right, it's all right….it's over!" she was saying. As Arya walked out, everyone fixed their eyes on her.

"GET HER!" yelled Orik.

And then everyone pummeled the elf.

Eragon, being the spoilsport that he is, pulled them off, saying that no one was to hurt Arya. Then, they disappeared into their various tents, to be tormented by nightmares of the most foul kind.


	18. Chapter 18: Happily Ever After

_~The Marvelous Adventures of a Marysue: IC~_

Chapter 17: The End…Or Is It?

"I am _not _going back in there," said Murtagh obstinately.

Everyone was standing around him, attempting to head back to the tent (of eeeevil!)They were, however, encountering cooperation problems. Murtagh refused to move from the stop outside his tent where he had been sulking emoishly for the past hour.

"The spell will force you," pointed out Arya.

"Listen elf, after what you did yesterday, you are extremely lucky I have not hacked you into small pieces. Stop talking or I'll reconsider."

"It won't be so bad today. There probably won't be an adult scene for a while, and I'll be reading so I'll skip over it," soothed Nasuada.

"No."

"You are merely postponing the inevitable," said Eragon.

"Shut up, you half-elven freak."

"Stop being such a coward," said Orik.

"_You _are not the one being maimed."

"Get it over with," advised Elva. "Putting off agony makes it worse."

"Negative."

"_You leave me no choice,_" said Saphira. She reached over, and with one foot, delicately picked Murtagh up and carried him over to the tent.

"PUT ME DOWN, YOU INSANE CREATURE!" shrieked Murtagh.

"_Wish granted,_" said Saphira, opening the tent flap with a claw.

"I hate you…"

Everyone assembled in the familiar half-circle. (Of DOOM!) Nasuada picked up The Book with a shudder and began reading.

_The next day was spent setting up the new government. Roran was crowned king of Alagaesia. _

"….Good to know," said Roran.

_Emerald gave him her blessing, which gave him the confidence to rule. (Nasuada left the Varden in anger after not being made queen. She died an old maid. Eragon, Murtagh, Emerald (and Arya, who came along just because Eragon had fallen for her) started up a school for riders in Ellesmera. They were to rebuild the order there._

_Emerald was a wise teacher, and won great renown. Many ballads were sung about her heroic deeds, and humans and elves alike came from far and wide to study from her._

_She and Murtagh had eight children—_

Nasuada snorted with held in laughter. No one else even had the decency to attempt to hold in their chuckles.

"Still hate you…" said Murtagh tiredly.

_The eldest girl was named Emerald, and the eldest boy was named Murtagh._

"So…Emerald Emeraldsdaughter and Murtagh Murtaghsson?" asked Roran. "Remind me not to ask you for baby names, Murtagh."

"Hate you, too."

_All of the children were as beautiful as their parents. One of the sons even became a dragon rider, while the others were accomplished magicians. All was well in Alagaesia. As for Emerald and Murtagh, well, they continued to do what they do best: they spent an eternity in love._

_The End._

There was a pause.

And then the cheering broke out.

Everyone leapt up and began shouting. Elva danced around with Solembum in cat form in her arms.

And Murtagh pulled Nasuada into an embrace and kissed her.

It took everyone several moments to notice this, due to the insane celebrating that was occurring. Roran was the first to notice, and wolf-whistled. Katrina slapped him.

Nasuada and Murtagh took no notice.

"You know…that looks a lot like an 'ardent' embrace to me…" said Eragon slyly.

"Channeling Emerald, Nasuada?" asked Arya.

"Oh shut up," said the rebel leader, breaking away.

"This is progress, usually you're saying that to me," said Murtagh.

Nasuada merely blushed.

"Wait a minute," said Arya. "There's one last author's note." She proceeded to read it out loud.

_**A/n sniff, its ovr! Sooo sad! R&r peepz! LMK wht u think! And wait for the sequel! **_

"S-sequel?" asked Murtagh.

"There is only one solution. Inherigirl must be stopped." said Nasuada grimly.  
>"I'm in for the hunting party," said Eragon, and everyone else followed suit.<p>

This was war.

The rest of the trip back was fairly uneventful. The scarred reading party came up with a plan of action for capturing Inherigirl. It was decided that no one else needed to know about the new threat. Only Nasuada, Eragon, Arya, Elva, Angela, Solembum, Murtagh, Saphira, Thorn, and Orik would go hunting.

"_This should be interesting…_" thought Murtagh grimly.

After reaching Farthen Dur, they took a few days to recuperate. Then, the party assembled. Nasuada had reason to believe Inherigirl would either be in Uru'baen or in the Beor mountains, hoping to find Murtagh there. They chose to comb the mountains first. It only took about a day's search to find here. They had reached a picturesque clearing, with a babbling brook and wildflowers. But everyone tensed as they spotted the grove's one inhabitant.

There, sitting on a rock holding an odd looking device, sat a girl.

She was a very ordinary girl, fairly short, with brown hair and glasses. She had an average build. And she was typing away furiously.

Everyone tensed, while Murtagh was trembling.

"I could kill her…she doesn't have any wards," whispered Eragon.

"No! We agreed not to kill her…yet," said Nasuada grimly.

Arya returned. "Net is in place. Commence phase two."

"Right," said Murtagh. "See you on the other side."

He stepped out and walked casually across the clearing. Well, casually except the trembling and eye twitching.

It took Inherigirl about .00000001 seconds to notice him. She let out a strangled cry and leapt off the rock, making a beeline for the red rider.

"NET!" yelled Murtagh.

Arya and Eragon deployed the net, which trapped Inherigirl seconds before she got to Murtagh. Roran grabbed the laptop. He wasn't sure what it was, but it had a profound sense of evil emanating from it.

Inherigirl was fighting tooth and nail to free herself from the net. It took Roran, Angela, Elva, Orik, Katrina, and Nasuada to hold it down, while Eragon, Murtagh, and Arya cast spells on Inherigirl to immobilize her. Then they dragged her back to the camp.

Every one assembled around the campfire.

"I think the best thing to do would be take her back to Farthen Dur on the dragons. You two can secure her and the rest of us will follow on horseback," said Nasuada.

"Sounds good. Only I'd like to be along for back up," said Arya. "I can ride on Saphira with Eragon. That is, if you'll allow it?" she directed her last question at the dragon.

"_Always welcome, Arya_," said Saphira.

"Come to think of it, I could use some help as well. Nasuada?" asked Murtagh.

"Of course," she replied, blushing.

"Aww!" said Elva.

"You know, we really should feed her," said Orik.

"She probably lives on pure evil alone," muttered Murtagh.

"Be careful about getting too close," warned Nasuada.

Orik ladled out another bowl of soup and carried it over the magical enclosure Inherigirl was secured in. He placed the bowl carefully just inside the barrier. Inherigirl stared at it and then started sobbing.

"Well, it was worth a try," said Orik, shrugging and returning to the campfire.

"Everyone hates me!" cried the authoress. "Everyone hates me and sends the disgusting _dwarf _to give me food! Why does no one caaaare about me?"

"Disgusting? Ungrateful wench!" grumbled Orik.

"My mother and father are divorced! My stepmother is mean! Kids at school tease me for being a geek! Fanfiction in my only outlet! And now, Murtagh doesn't love me!"

"You made my life a living _hell_," said Murtagh darkly.

Inherigirl collapsed into a sobbing fit.

"Murtagh! Be nice!" reproached Nasudada.

"Hey remember what she said about you?" asked Murtagh. "She called you drunk, incompetent, and having the figure of a pre-adolescent boy."

"Right, retract previous order," said Nasuada.

"I think we're seeing who's the dominant one in this relationship…" mused Elva.

"Hey, watch this," said Murtagh, with an evil grin. He leaned over and kissed Nasuada lightly. There was a scream from Inherigirl.

Everyone laughed. "Perfect torture," commented Angela.

"Geez, she'll probably up and die tonight," said Elva.

"You are really dirty-minded, you know that?" said Arya, as Inherigirl wailed at the mere thought.

The next day, Inherigirl was secured in Saphira's claws. Saphira took off, Arya and Eragon on her back. Nasuada was staring at Thorn tremulously.

"Ah…Murtagh? Are you sure this is safe?"

"Of course! There's very little chance you'll fall!"

"_Very little_!"

"I meant none. None at all."

"I am not so sure about this."

"Would I let you fall?"

"Aww!" shouted Elva.

"You know, you can really ruin a moment," commented Orik.

"It's what I do."

Nasuada eventually climbed on Thorn and the dragon took off. Everyone else left on horseback.

It took only a few hours for the dragons to reach Farthen Dur. Saphira managed to land while still keeping hold of Inherigirl. Eragon and Murtagh tied her up and carried her to (ironically) the same room Murtagh had been confined in.

"Hey look! This was the site of one of the five happy moments in my life!"

"…Let's put up a sign," said Eragon dryly.

"Although, now that I have Nasuada, life is—"

"Oh shut up. You yakked about her all the way down here. I think I preferred you when you were morose."

"You know, you should make the attempt with Arya."

"Already have. Twice."

"Seriou—"

"I do _not _want to talk about it."

When the rest of the party arrived in Farthen Dur, they went to visit Inherigirl for the first time. Everyone filed in. Inherigirl stared at the wall.

An awkward silence filled the room.

"Well, erm, hello, Inherigirl," said Nasuada.

"Don't talk you me, you bitch!" shouted the girl. "I know you forced Murtagh to drag me here! He wouldn't have done it without you making him!"

"One, don't talk to her like that, two, let's go over this again. You. Made. My. Life. A Living. Hell."

"You didn't like my story?" asked Inherigirl, eyes widening.

"…Child, your story brought me closer to killing myself with a knitting needle than any other force on this earth," said Murtagh in disbelief.  
>"Why are you so meeeaaan?" wailed Inherigirl.<br>"Listen, freak of nature—" began Murtagh, but he was interrupted. Smoke billowed around the room, and when it cleared, a very distinctive person was standing in the middle of the floor.  
>"MORZAN?" shouted Eragon.<br>"This day is just going downhill…" muttered Murtagh.  
>"Eeek!" yelled Inherigirl. "Save me, Murtagh!"<p>

"Eight kids? Damn son, you're a horny boy aren't you?" asked Morzan, appearing in a plume of gray smoke.

"What the fuck are you doing here?" asked Murtagh, momentarily stunned.

"Watching you fail at life, son. Have I taught you NOTHING about that thing between your legs?" Morzan said silkily. Murtagh flushed beet red, a sight not easily seen.

"I'm going to fucking kill you. KILL YOU I SAY!" *cue rage of destruction and emo-ness*

"Psh, yeah right. I bet you can't even lift your sword without getting an erection."

"Yeah, and you're an evil forsworn who kills people!"

"Hey, hey, hey, don't get up now, you know what will happen."

"Thorn, eat him. Oh wait I don't want you to get indigestion."

"I'm not scared of _Thorn_," Morzan mocked. "His master is a quick-draw anyway. You can't take two steps without shagging that female, what's her name? Emerald?"

"Fuck you."

"Sorry, I don't swing that way…"

"I am _done _talking to you."

"Good, save me the trouble of making fun of your smallness any more than I already have."

"You know...that might be hereditary."

"You got it from your mother then, not me. She was always satisfied, I wasn't."

"Clearly not, as she cheated on you."

"I almost killed you, of course she would leave...unless she couldn't bear that her son was inadequate."

"...Or her husband was an insane mass murderer."

"True, true. But I let her go. She reminded me too much of you, an embarrassment to men."

"Remind me again why you're here, aside from making an idiot out of yourself?"

"Like I said, watching you fail at life son, watching you fail at life."

"Says the one who got killed by the guy his wife cheated on him with."

"Hey, at least I don't get an erection every time I lift my sword against someone."

"Oh, so now you're re-using comebacks. How _sad_!"

"Not as sad as what would happen if you ever tried to fight Nasuada." Nasuada blushed, but bristled at the insinuation.

"Is _anyone_ going to _kill him_?" she asked in annoyance.

"…Apparently I can't without getting an erection." Nevertheless, Murtagh stood up and drew Zar'roc. The battle was very intense, but Murtagh and Morzan finally found themselves at swordpoint.  
>"Give it up, boy. And give back my damn sword!"<br>"Not in this life!" Morzan looked about to strike the death blow, but at that moment, Inherigirl leapt forward.  
>"DON'T YOU LAY A FINGER ON MY LOVE!" she shrieked.<br>And Murtagh took the opportunity to impale both of them.

"INHERIGIRL IS DEAD!" shouted Arya.

"And with that weirdness, I think we can conclude this horrific chapter of our lives," said Eragon.

And then, the celebrating began. Ale was drunk, dances were danced, song were sung, and Arya and Eragon finally gave in and kissed each other until Roran told them to get a room.

Finally, as Eragon was doing a drunken redition of Morzan's speech.

"Not as sad as what would happen if you ever tried to fight Nasuada! Hahahaha…hic...hahaha"

"So…" said Murtagh turning to Nasuada. "Wanna fight?"

Nasuada raised her eyebrows. "Sure. But you'll have to go easy. I've never sparred before."

"For once in my life I'll be gentle."

And they disappeared, the horrors of "The Green Rider" forgotten.

FINIS!

**A/N: Pixie here…it's…*sniff*…over! It got fairly M rated along the way. But we love it anyway. There were some great nights of almost passing out from writing this thing…fond memories! So much gratitude to Evanescence2189 for her huge amount of help and hilarity, and for making me post this thing in the first place. By the by, the Murtagh/Morzan interaction at the end was the result of a skype conversation between E2189 and I, where she came up with Morzan's comments and I came up with Murtagh's. **

**Love you all!**

**A/N: Evanescence2189 here! It's been such a joy to write this with Pixie for you all! Witchy said it. There were some times where we stayed up until unholy hours in the morning to get chapters done, but not without copious amounts of junk food and laughs along the way! My thanks to my friend Pixie for letting my write this with you, it means a lot! If you guys want to get a stretch out of the Inheritance Cycle fandom a little bit, check out our sequel to this fic, **_**The Marvelous Adventures of a Mary-Sue: Chronicles of Narnia**_**. Thanks a bunch, I love ya!**

**-E2189 **


	19. Chapter 19: Bonus Chapter

_~The Marvelous Adventures of a Mary-Sue: Inheritance Cycle~ _

Chapter 19 – Bonus Chapter: Rebecca Black Meets IC

It was some time after reading that last dreaded chapter, but by some inexplicable means, they all found themselves drawn yet again back to the tent.

"So…why are we here?" asked Murtagh. They all looked to each other in confusion, but soon their expressions turned to one of surprise as singing could be heard from outside the tent. Running outside, they saw a short dark-haired girl overdone with makeup and a dress much shorter and sparkly than appropriate (at least in Arya and Nasuada's opinions…). Behind her were dozens of equally shiny people, all dancing to the music.

_"(Yeah, Ah-Ah-Ah-Ah-Ah-Ark)_

_Oo-ooh-ooh, hoo yeah, yeah_

_Yeah, yeah_

_Yeah-ah-ah_

_Yeah-ah-ah_

_Yeah-ah-ah_

_Yeah-ah-ah_

_Yeah, yeah, yeah"_

The group looked to one another with blank confusion as the girl began to sing in her nasal tone.

_"7 am, waking up in the morning_

_Gotta be fresh, gotta go to the tent_

_Gotta have my bowl, to throw up from adult scenes_

_Seein' everything, the time is goin' (far too slow for ME-E)_

_Tickin' on and on, everybody's readin'_

_Gotta get down to the E-END_

_Gotta finish that book, I see my friends ("My WHAT?" screeched Murtagh.)_

_"Torment in the morning_

_Torture in the evening_

_Gotta make my mind up_

_How can I escape?"_

"Gods have mercy…" Nasuada murmured.

_"It's TMAOMS, TMAOMS_

_Gotta get down on suefics_

_Everybody's lookin' forward killing Emerald_

_TMAOMS, TMAOMS_

_Gettin' down on Suefics_

_Everybody's lookin' forward to killing Emerald_

_"Tormenting, tormenting YEAH!_

_Tormenting, tormenting YEAH!_

_Fun, fun, fun, fun_

_Lookin' forward to killing Emerald"_

"This…is fairly accurate," commented Katrina.

"Don't start," said Roran.

_"7:45, we're drivin' Murtagh crazy_

_Readin' so fast, I want time to fly_

_Fun, fun, think about fun_

_You know what it is (not this!)_

_I got this, you got this (we hope)_

_My friend is by my right_

_I got this, you got this_

_Now you know it_

_"Torment in the morning_

_Torture in the evening_

_Gotta make my mind up_

_How can I escape?"_

"Good question," Murtagh said grumpily.

_"It's TMAOMS, TMAOMS_

_Gotta get down on suefics_

_Everybody's lookin' forward killing Emerald_

_TMAOMS, TMAOMS_

_Gettin' down on Suefics_

_Everybody's lookin' forward to killing Emerald_

_"Gettin' down on Suefics_

_Everybody's lookin' forward to the END_

_"Tormentin' tormentin' (Yeah)_

_Torturin' Torturin' (Yeah)_

_Fun, fun, fun, fun_

_Lookin' forward to killing Emerald"_

"BRIDGE!" she yelled. Everyone flinched.

_"Yesterday was Sanity, Sanity_

_Today i-is Suefic, Suefic (Partyin')_

_We-we-we so excited_

_We so excited_

_We gonna have a blast killing Em-Er-Ald_

_"Tomorrow is Emerald's death_

_And celebration comes after...wards_

_I don't want this fanfic to end!"_

"RAP VERSE!"

"A what?" Arya questioned in trepidation.

_"E-M Emerald_

_So chillin' in the evil tent (In the evil tent)_

_In the evil tent (In the evil tent)_

_I'm readin' hatin' (Yeah, yeah)_

_Crazy peepz, angry riders_

_Wit' a dragon up on my side (Woo!)_

_(C'mon) Passin' by is galby in front of me_

_Makes tick tock, tick tock, wanna scream_

_Check my time, it's TMAOMS, it's a weekend_

_We gonna have fun, c'mon, c'mon, y'all"_

_[Chorus]_

_"It's TMAOMS, TMAOMS_

_Gotta get down on suefics_

_Everybody's lookin' forward killing Emerald_

_TMAOMS, TMAOMS_

_Gettin' down on Suefics_

_Everybody's lookin' forward to killing Emerald_

_"Tormentin' tormentin' (Yeah)_

_Torturin' Torturin'' (Yeah)_

_Fun, fun, fun, fun_

_Lookin' forward to killing Emerald_

_"It's TMAOMS, TMAOMS_

_Gotta get down on Suefics_

_Everybody's lookin' forward to the end, end_

_TMAOMS, TMAOMS_

_Gettin' down on suefics_

_Everybody's lookin' forward to killing Emerald_

_Tormentin' tormentin' (Yeah)_

_Torturin' Torturin' (Yeah)_

_Fun, fun, fun, fun_

_Lookin' forward to killing Emerald…"_

All of the occupants in the tent gawked in a shocked stupor at the one-You-tube-hit-wonder, who stood in front of them awkwardly. Arya was the first to break out of the reverie, and she rolled her eyes.

"Human music, how crude and simplistic," said the elf.

"That doesn't qualify as music," muttered Nasuada.

"What the hell was that?" The words spewed out of Murtagh's mouth, to Rebecca Black's miffed incredulity.

"HEY! I wrote that song just for you guys!" she screamed.

"She looks like another Inherigirl!" Roran exclaimed in fright.

"She's pretty…" Eragon drooled. Arya pursed her lips in disdain as she looked the diva up and down.

"Pretty whiny. Her voice sounds like two urgals were shoved up her nostrils," Elva remarked with a smirk. Rebecca Black scowled, her entire face scrunching up like she had just smelled something foul.

"You're right Roran, she has great resemblance to Inherigirl…maybe they're related," commented Angela. Murtagh stilled at once. His eyes widened, and several life-scarring flash-backs whirled through his mind like a sped up movie.

"BUUUUURN! BUURN THE WITCH! BRISINGER!" he screamed as he unsheathed Zar'roc, to everyone's shock. Nasuada was the first to react, and tried desperately to hold him back. But it was to no avail. Murtagh had gone into a fiery rage, and not even Arya's strength could rein him in. He leapt into the air, ripping out of the girls' grasps (Eragon was still ogling the pop star, while Roran was still very much in shock), and aimed a killing blow to the screeching fourteen-year-old. But his sword pierced the earth.

The sound of the girl's wretched screaming was cut off short as Saphira swallowed Rebecca Black whole.

"_I thought we were going to share_," Thorn said disappointedly.

"_I couldn't take the sounds of her squealing any longer_," Saphira replied dryly. Meanwhile, Nasuada once again was with Murtagh, whispering soothing words of comfort as he shook in the fetal position. Angela looked at each of them, then to Arya and Roran and the rest, and shook her head.

"I am never coming back to this tent again. You all are a bunch of wackos," she muttered. "It's a wonder we're all not insane."

"Not for lack of trying!" Elva said happily.

**E2189: In case you all aren't aware, we "borrowed" that **_**lovely **_**song from Rebecca Black's "Friday." If you really want to waste three minutes of your time, the video is on You-tube. We weren't expecting to post this (or at least Witchy wasn't) but here's a bonus chapter for you guys. This really is the end now, don't worry. But there possibly is a sequel on the way…**

**Props go to Witchy Pixie for writing the alternate IC version of "Friday" in legit ten minutes. **

**WP: Hey guys, Pixie here! I parodied "Friday" (Rebecca's You-tube sensation. Look it up.) on the spot. It's random, but that's what we do. E2189 added the story bit to it, and she did AWESOME! Hope ya'll enjoy the bonus chapter. This time it's really over. Peace, Pixie. **


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